So today I begin a journey. A journey through Shattered Dreams.....A journey to joy. A joy offered by God. A journey that will require everything of me. I realize that when this journey is over, I will not be the same person I am today. I welcome this. I embrace it and I run toward it.
Truth is, I have been on the journey for some time now. I just did not realize it. I thought I was on a temporary reprieve from God's favor. I mean everything I ever hoped for, dreamed about and thought I was called to have been dashed to pieces like so much glass being tossed carelessly to the floor.
Everything has changed and not for the better. At least in my book...but Papa is up to something. I remember praying a few years back..."God whatever you need to do to bring me closer to you, then do it" Or something like that.....Surprise! Papa always answers that prayer. But often the results are not what I expected.
So some back story is appropriate here. I grew up poor. Married someone who was poor and though we were poor, I always dreamed of more. In none of my childhood dreams did ordinary play a part. In fact, I always dreamed of extraordinary.
Over the years through trial and error, I found a niche I could be successful in. The mortgage business. Over time, I became very successful in this business. So much so that we began to travel and during this travel, we were introduced to missions through our local church.
At this point, what I had been searching for all these years became crystal clear. I was to devote my life and resources to funding and assisting missions all over the world.
And for a time, thats what we did. Gave very generously and traveled to those locations and helped out however we could.
Then the wheels came off. The housing bubble burst and took everything we had worked so hard to build with it. We became poor again. This time though it seemed as if God had abandoned us.
The last five years have been a study in Shattered Dreams. During this time, my wife and I have begged, pleaded and bribed God to change our circumstances. Nothing worked.
What I failed to realize during this time is that Papa was working, but not how I wanted. I wanted Him to do what I wanted. My will be done. And He was saying, no, "My will be done". And you will find joy in it. I never heard that. All I heard was Papa saying no to me and very reasonable requests.
Then I bought a book called Ruthless Trust and then another book called The Papa Prayer and then finally Shattered Dreams. And I have realized that my journey is no different than anyone elses'. Its just not the journey I thought it would be.
This blog is going to be where I document the journey to joy. The places in life where it only seems like a long layover between destinations. The place of discomfort. The place of no real rest. But the place that is necessary if I am to continue on this journey to joy.
I am going through the book Shattered Dreams by Dr. Larry Crabb currently. It includes a work book to apply the principals and lessons learned. I will be asking and answering the questions in the workbook here.
I've already read the book through once. This will be my second time around. So bear with me as I begin what is sure to be a long journey down a bumpy road.......feel free to chime in with your thoughts......the real work begins tomorrow.....