My Grace is Sufficient for you......God

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 3: Like a Child

The thoughts of the author on Luke 18:17 where Jesus commands us to be like little children so we can see the Kingdom of Heaven. 

" Jesus wants us to humble ourselves, to let someone know when we could really use a hug or some quality time, to let the Spirit know we need Him to change our hearts, to confess to our community of close friends the weakness we should have resolved by now. 
   I hear Jesus telling us to stop negotiating with HIm, to stop offering something e think we have in exchange for His blessings...."All you can do is receive what you need from someone who has what you don't. When you admit your emptiness, I'll see to it you are filled"."

The author asks: "What needs or emptiness can you honestly bring to Jesus today?"

For me to answer this, I have to be really transparent. I have to confess sin. I don't want to. I still want to hide. But I promised Papa I would stand in front of Him naked and honest. So here goes.  But first some back story.

A little over a month ago, my friend Eric embarked on a 40 day fast. He asked me to go with him. I said yes and then thought better of it. My physical makeup is such that if I go without food for even a day, my blood sugar drops to dangerous levels and I have actually nearly passed out from it. As you can imagine, 40 days with no food is a non starter for me. Instead, I opted for a Daniel fast. I managed this for a while but it did not feel like fasting. So I quit. 

In the meantime, my friend Eric is on this amazing spiritual journey. God is doing great things in him, he is experiencing God's love in crazy ways and I am getting more and more jealous as the days go by. To be sure, I am joyful for him, but my flesh is saying things like, "See there, you could be enjoying this too but you are not good enough for that".

In my heart, I wanted desperately what I saw my friend living out right in front of my eyes. And I think I got a little mad about it....and in this hunger, I began asking God what to do about it. 

Sunday, I was getting in the shower an at the same time asking God how to draw near to Him. I heard the Spirit clearly speak to me to fast from my job. Ok now you are asking, how do you do that? 

Well, I trade crude oil for a living. Without going into all the details, it is addictive and it expands to fill the time allotted to it. In other words, if you are a workaholic, have the slightest addictive tendencies or just love what you do, you can sit at the screen 24/7. And I love what I do.

But the Spirit said to me, "Brian, you have placed your job and money before me. I am jealous. It has become an idol to you. It is time to treat your job like a job and not an idol. You worship making money. Now worship me." 

At this point, I promised God I would no longer spend hours and hours a day glued to a computer screen. Instead, I would look to achieve my daily bread, and at the end of a specific amount of time, I would quit and spend the time I would have otherwise spent watching the screen with Him.

Now the sin part. Yesterday, I kept my promise. I quit working and spent the next couple hours with Papa. I wrote this blog. I worshiped. I wept. I went to lunch with my wife. I spent the time in relationship with Papa and with my wife. Joy was mine. Peace wrapped its arms around me. I was content. I slept like a baby last night. 

Today, the appointed time came and went. I remained focused on work. Next time I looked down, I was two hours late for my appointment with Papa. Crushed. Ashamed. Disgusted. I broke my word after only one day. Its not the work......its not the money....its that I am focused on those things. I like it.....apparently more than Papa.....I told my friend Eric I needed to spend time with Papa if He was still in the mood.....he responded. "Thats an interesting approach to God". But if I was God, and an appointment was broken, I'd be upset and no longer in the mood. 

This post is about being like a child. Confessing my helplessness and emptiness to my Papa and my friends. Its about recognizing the warped priorities in my life. Its about resting on Papa to fill those empty areas just like an infant depends on their parent to fill their empty stomach. They cannot do it themselves, so they must be dependent. 

I am wholly dependent....Papa, fill me today. For without you, I can do nothing. I am a child helpless before you.

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