Tomorrow is father's day and while I don't get to excited about this holiday normally, I had a conversation today that revealed to me the stark contrast between us as human fathers and our Heavenly Father.
Today I had a conversation about His grace and love toward us and how we are all equal before Him and receive His love, grace and mercy equally.
One of participants in the conversation essentially said that wasn't possible unless we made the choice to receive forgiveness.
And to counter that point, I used the example of that this person would give his life for his son if needed. He agreed with me on this point and then I said, suppose your son committed a grievous sin against you and hurt you terribly. But because of your great love for him, you forgive him straight away. However, the son has fled far away and never speaks to you again. The question is, does he still have your forgiveness.
His answer was of course he still has my forgiveness but not his inheritance. Which essentially means the son no longer deserves his father's inheritance.
This is completely normal from a human perspective. Do good, get good, do bad, get bad.
But God, (two of my favorite words) sees it a bit differently.
Instead, He says you don't deserve either forgiveness or inheritance but because I love you so much, you get both. Not because you did good, or because you love me but because I love you!
Imagine the surprise of this man's son upon learning of his father's death after many years and receiving his inheritance in spite of his ill will toward his father. He is so moved by his fathers love toward him and his incredible blessing upon him that he no longer lives in regret or shame for what he did to the father nor does he retain any hatred for his father. Instead he is overwhelmed by the demonstration of his father's love and mercy. He resolves to live his life as a reflection of his father's goodness and gives credit and honor to him for the incredible inheritance he has received from his father.
This is the true picture of our Heavenly Father. He has given to us even when we don't deserve it, even when we reject Him, even when we mock Him or His ambassadors. He is good and full of grace and mercy to every one of us.
The gospel is this, He has given to us, removed all our sins, freed us from all religions that demand performance in any way shape or form and given us a life of peace, love and joy.
What more do we need from Him in order to live the life He's called us to. We respond out of gratitude for what He's done, not out of fear of punishment. Why? Because He has already punished our sins in the body of His only Son Jesus. We get off scot free.
This means we get to stop telling people the are going to hell if they don't do exactly as we say and instead we get to them they are free! Now that is good news! His goodness draws them to repentance, not the threat of hell. Forgiveness and inheritance!
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Perspective Changes Everything
There's a story in the Bible about how Jesus and his followers were going across a lake in the middle of the night after a long day of Jesus teaching the crowds. They were tired and Jesus was sleeping up near the front of the boat.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I suspect it was around 1 or 2 AM because this is the time of night when all the bad crap happens, a storm came up. At least a few of Jesus' followers were fishermen and understood the way of the lake and I'm sure had experienced a storm or two in their careers.
This storm that arose was apparently bad enough that even the experienced sailors were terrified they were all going to die in the storm.
Then someone noticed Jesus sleeping soundly up near the front of the boat. If you have ever been in a boat when there's a storm on, you know that's the worst place to be. It pitches up and down the most. If you're gonna get sick, its in the front of the boat!
These big strapping fishermen are scared stiff and I'm sure the non fishermen of their little group were more than terrified. I suspect they were just waiting to die.
Soon though, one of these terrified men decided to wake Jesus and complain. In fact, they were pissed he wasn't helping them bail the water out of the boat. So they woke him up and demanded to know whether or not he even cared if they were all gonna die or not.
Of interest here is a few things that are missing from the dialogue. There was no mention of waking him to see if he could do something about the storm, there was no mention of Jesus being capable of doing more than simply bailing water along with the rest of them. No mention at all about how He was able to sleep during such a severe storm. It seems reasonable to think these men who had seen Him do miracles might possibly have a clue He could do more than bail but they didn't. They were still clueless as to who was laying there without a care in the world.
So finally waking Jesus up and asking Him why he didn't care about them they received quite a shock when instead of taking up a position near the side of the boat and bailing along with the rest of them, he instead stood up and spoke to the winds and waves and commanded them to be still. Immediately there was calm and peace on the lake. Then he said to them, "why do you have so little faith?" I think what He actually may have said there was "If I'm not worried, why are you?"
If we take this story as a literal story and the group actually experienced a storm and Jesus actually spoke to the wind and waves and there was instant peace, then we need to figure out how to apply this nice story to our lives. After all its in the Bible for a reason.
In relation to this story, I've always heard that we can speak to the winds and waves in our own lives and there will be instant peace.
Can I say something now that might possibly be construed as blasphemy? Today I sit here and I call BS on that statement. Why? Because I have spoken to the winds and waves in my life plenty of times and not ONCE have they gone away. Instead, I've hunkered down and just endured the storm. And am still enduring.....
My personal experience leads me to believe Jesus didn't calm the storm at all. That the winds and waves may have even gotten larger. That the circumstances never changed.
What I am coming to believe is the perspective of the followers of Jesus changed. That instead of being terrified of the storm, Jesus removed the fear of the storm and because the fear was gone, it was as if the storm was suddenly over.
What I am suggesting is that because the fear was removed, the followers of Jesus had such a profound experience of internal peace that they actually believed the storm was over. That Jesus had literally spoken to the winds and waves and calmed them. So much so that years later when they were writing down all they had seen and heard Him do, they wrote what they believed had happened. Like they couldn't really remember the storm after Jesus spoke.
And this I can say makes far more sense as it aligns with my personal experience. Instead of the winds and waves (trials, sickness, financial issues) going away, my fear of the outcome of these things has gone away. In the place of fear has come peace. Not to the degree where I no longer believe the storm has gone but still to the point where I no longer fear the storm. Because Jesus is my place of safety, strength and provision. And I trust Him.
My reading of Jesus's sayings is beginning to show that He never promised ease and comfort 100% of the time. Instead He promised peace in the storm. This is something I've heard over the years but never really understood. This promise of peace speaks to the idea of an abundant life. One that's not contingent upon the physical surroundings but on the person of Jesus. One that depends on Him for all aspects of existence. One that is surrendered to the idea that from Him flows all life and all things necessary to sustain life both in the afterlife and also in the right here and right now.
It seems the circumstances (wind and waves) will change over time. From peace to storm and back again, but what's important is that Jesus is sleeping in the boat. If He's not worried then neither am I.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I suspect it was around 1 or 2 AM because this is the time of night when all the bad crap happens, a storm came up. At least a few of Jesus' followers were fishermen and understood the way of the lake and I'm sure had experienced a storm or two in their careers.
This storm that arose was apparently bad enough that even the experienced sailors were terrified they were all going to die in the storm.
Then someone noticed Jesus sleeping soundly up near the front of the boat. If you have ever been in a boat when there's a storm on, you know that's the worst place to be. It pitches up and down the most. If you're gonna get sick, its in the front of the boat!
These big strapping fishermen are scared stiff and I'm sure the non fishermen of their little group were more than terrified. I suspect they were just waiting to die.
Soon though, one of these terrified men decided to wake Jesus and complain. In fact, they were pissed he wasn't helping them bail the water out of the boat. So they woke him up and demanded to know whether or not he even cared if they were all gonna die or not.
Of interest here is a few things that are missing from the dialogue. There was no mention of waking him to see if he could do something about the storm, there was no mention of Jesus being capable of doing more than simply bailing water along with the rest of them. No mention at all about how He was able to sleep during such a severe storm. It seems reasonable to think these men who had seen Him do miracles might possibly have a clue He could do more than bail but they didn't. They were still clueless as to who was laying there without a care in the world.
So finally waking Jesus up and asking Him why he didn't care about them they received quite a shock when instead of taking up a position near the side of the boat and bailing along with the rest of them, he instead stood up and spoke to the winds and waves and commanded them to be still. Immediately there was calm and peace on the lake. Then he said to them, "why do you have so little faith?" I think what He actually may have said there was "If I'm not worried, why are you?"
If we take this story as a literal story and the group actually experienced a storm and Jesus actually spoke to the wind and waves and there was instant peace, then we need to figure out how to apply this nice story to our lives. After all its in the Bible for a reason.
In relation to this story, I've always heard that we can speak to the winds and waves in our own lives and there will be instant peace.
Can I say something now that might possibly be construed as blasphemy? Today I sit here and I call BS on that statement. Why? Because I have spoken to the winds and waves in my life plenty of times and not ONCE have they gone away. Instead, I've hunkered down and just endured the storm. And am still enduring.....
My personal experience leads me to believe Jesus didn't calm the storm at all. That the winds and waves may have even gotten larger. That the circumstances never changed.
What I am coming to believe is the perspective of the followers of Jesus changed. That instead of being terrified of the storm, Jesus removed the fear of the storm and because the fear was gone, it was as if the storm was suddenly over.
What I am suggesting is that because the fear was removed, the followers of Jesus had such a profound experience of internal peace that they actually believed the storm was over. That Jesus had literally spoken to the winds and waves and calmed them. So much so that years later when they were writing down all they had seen and heard Him do, they wrote what they believed had happened. Like they couldn't really remember the storm after Jesus spoke.
And this I can say makes far more sense as it aligns with my personal experience. Instead of the winds and waves (trials, sickness, financial issues) going away, my fear of the outcome of these things has gone away. In the place of fear has come peace. Not to the degree where I no longer believe the storm has gone but still to the point where I no longer fear the storm. Because Jesus is my place of safety, strength and provision. And I trust Him.
My reading of Jesus's sayings is beginning to show that He never promised ease and comfort 100% of the time. Instead He promised peace in the storm. This is something I've heard over the years but never really understood. This promise of peace speaks to the idea of an abundant life. One that's not contingent upon the physical surroundings but on the person of Jesus. One that depends on Him for all aspects of existence. One that is surrendered to the idea that from Him flows all life and all things necessary to sustain life both in the afterlife and also in the right here and right now.
It seems the circumstances (wind and waves) will change over time. From peace to storm and back again, but what's important is that Jesus is sleeping in the boat. If He's not worried then neither am I.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Practical Grace
Grace is not supposed to be practical. Its supposed to be this amazing spiritual force, this essence that surrounds and protects us. Its supposed to be there but unseen and unfelt....Its just supposed to be....
I entered the car wash listening to the radio, sat as the machine went back and forth and as the final rinse was spraying over my windshield, I got ready to exit and go through the dryer.
Something you need to know, this car wash is set up with some car vacuum stations just behind the drive through wash section. As you drive through the air dryer, you can see two of these vacuum stations right in front of you. And as I began to enter the drying area, who do you think was in the very first vacuum station?
And yet, after a year of experiencing His grace in profoundly spiritual and mystical ways that have affected my spirit and even my sense of who I am but yet without surfacing in the so called real life of where I live each and every day. To be sure, grace has shown up in my relationship with God in deep and intensely personal ways. It has revolutionized how I see Him and how I perceive His love for me. Grace has been about me. My sin, my problems, my issues, my peace, my joy, my strength....its been inwardly focused.
And justifiably so. If grace cannot change me to my core, then what good is it? My revelation of who He is and what He has done for me must first change me. Then and only then can His grace flow not just to me but from me. And so the last year has been about recognizing and reveling in His grace toward me. Changing my outlook on eternity. Changing the way I view the Good News....how its presented, how it affects me and others, changing my mind (true repentance) about who Jesus is and what He really did on the cross.
And yet grace with minor exceptions has not really affected how I live outwardly. I'm more joyful even in the face of circumstances that would otherwise prevent joy. I'm more at peace with uncertainty knowing that He has only good for me. I no longer chafe under guilt and shame for misdeeds both great and small as I know He has already forgiven them and in fact, doesn't even remember them, so if He doesn't condemn me, why should I condemn myself? I see everything through the prism of grace.....but.....
Practically speaking my interactions with others have not changed substantially. I still get angry easily, less so than before but still, I feel I should be slower to anger, frustration sets in pretty quickly when things don't go my way or people can't see my point of view even though its clearly superior to theirs. Forgiveness and kindness are not my normal modus operendous.
Just when I was thinking that grace would be my lifelong companion but would really only affect my spirit life, a blast from the past steps in and sets that way of thinking on its rear.
Ten years ago, a Christian man did me wrong in business. No details here but suffice to say, it hurt and even when I tried to follow up with him after the fact and find out what was going on, he refused to take my calls and never once got back to me. Then over the last few years, I'd see him at functions or around town here and there. Always he treated me as though nothing had happened. This was a man I'd had in my home and treated quite well. As time went by, I began to harbor ill will toward him. I was glad when he lost his job. Then I found out quite by happenstance that he had done a couple of other things that reinforced my opinion of him. In my heart I was glad he was such a dirty rotten person...I felt vindicated that it was him and not me that caused the issues many years ago.
Then I found out his wife works at my daughters school. She greeted us as though all was peachy keen....my face smiled but my heart was black with distrust and spite. Meanwhile, grace was overflowing my heart, revealing how much I was forgiven, bringing peace and joy.....I was smug and happy I was being shown this wonderful grace that was brought to me by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Content to walk happily along secure in my knowledge of who I am in Christ.
Then yesterday, I was eating my .85 burrito at Del Taco and who should walk in....but the man himself. In his smug little shirt and tie looking as though he was innocent of all wrong doing. I was hoping he wouldn't notice me....but alas, straight to my table he came.
Not only did he head straight my way but to my utter disappointment, he sat down and asked if we could talk. I didn't want to talk, not now, not ever...but civility demanded at least a cursory attempt at conversation. No way could he know how much I resented his very presence.
After some brief and awkward small talk, he said to me, "I've been wanting to tell you this for a decade, but I've been very sorry about what happened back then but I've never really had the chance or the courage to say it". Crap....he's apologizing. Now what? No way can I act like all is forgiven, its been too long with to many wasted chances to apologize for him to do this now. So with my mouth I said no problem.....water under the bridge, but in my heart, I didn't mean it. No way no how.....
A few more minutes of small talk and off he went to get his food and a few more minutes pass and I get up and leave. I never gave it a second thought. Whats done is done.
However, the Holy Spirit had other ideas about the whole incident.
Moments after turning out of Del Taco's parking lot, clearly and without any question I heard, "freely you have received, free give." What? Who? WHY.......but it came again, "you have received my grace freely, how dare you not freely give it." My heart broke. I recognized my beloved voice. His firm but gentle correction coming from the throne of grace.
So rather than turn around and go fix it, I told God if I saw this man in the next day or two, I'd make right how badly I'd handled his apology and then if the opportunity presented itself, I'd explain how grace led me back to him for that purpose.
Off I went to finish my errands for the day. I had two or three more stops to make and then back to the house. My last stop was to run the car through the car wash to get rid of all the bird poop it had accumulated over the last few days.
I entered the car wash listening to the radio, sat as the machine went back and forth and as the final rinse was spraying over my windshield, I got ready to exit and go through the dryer.
Something you need to know, this car wash is set up with some car vacuum stations just behind the drive through wash section. As you drive through the air dryer, you can see two of these vacuum stations right in front of you. And as I began to enter the drying area, who do you think was in the very first vacuum station?
My nemesis was right there, vacuuming his car out. Not in one of the other dozen or so car washes in town. This one, right in front of me at exactly the same time as I was. This could not be coincidence and remembering my promise to God to make it right with this guy, I laughed out loud at how He had set this up.
I pulled over to this guy, shouted above the noise of the vacuum to get his attention and fulfilled my promise to God. Of course he was far more gracious with my apology than I had been with his but as I drove away, the only thing I could think about was how much I'd been forgiven and little I tend to forgive.
Grace is practical. It can and should affect every area of our life. As I drove on, I talked to God about clearing my life of the garbage ten years of unforgiveness had brought me and to restore all that had been damaged.
Practical grace. Not just for me but for every one everywhere for every reason and every occasion. Grace covers it all.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Remembering.....
I am filled with good intentions. Most of us are. One of mine has been to keep this journal up. But honestly, most days feel to mundane to bother writing about.
Then I look back, and the mundane has taken on aspects of wonder.
The daily details often obscure the wonder that is life. Today I took some time to look back at previous posts. I am filled with awe at the things that have transpired in between the posts. Each post represents a period of time in which details to mundane to mention coalesced into incidents that have meaning.
Some posts are rich in detail about single events. Take my friend Peter's death. I read that post today. I was taken back to that time and I wept again. But then I remembered its been two years. Time has passed. His wife Shanie has remarried and is celebrating new life on her honeymoon in Europe and his kids have all begun successful adult lives of their own and one is even expecting his first grandchild.
In sadness there is joy, in grief there is new life. It is the way of the world. The way of the Creator. The way of grace.
Other posts are less poignant. They are simply milestones in the journey. Some of which I can't remember why I wrote them. They meant something then. What I cannot remember, nor do I care. I care about the ones that bring back the memories of wonder and awe of His goodness. While this blog is sparse in terms of posts, its still full of wonder and awe. I remember the previous six years and what this blog has been about.
And I'm blown away by it:
Some history;
I lost my business
I filed bankruptcy
I lost my house
I lost the rental we were in after losing the house.
We are essentially homeless
I lost my reputation in the community
My brother lost his house as a result of my business failure.
My dad lost his house as a result of my business failure.
My dad had a quadruple bypass
My dad had a terrible gall bladder operation and took months to recover
My brother had stents put in due to heart disease.
My other brother had stents put in due to heart disease.
I had a heart attack.
I had three stents put in over a 6 month period.
I had pneumonia
I had 30 hours of Afib. Not fun at all.
I lost my identity. Who was I?
My wife was very depressed, ( who wouldn't be?)
I was depressed....but in severe denial about it.
I have severe tendonitis in my right shoulder. A result of 20+ years of being a desk jockey.( getting better but still its a handicap)
I lost most of my so called friends. They ran like rats on a ship when the money stopped flowing.
The church we called home for 25 years and that my wife grew up in collapsed. My spiritual foundations were shaken to the core. Some of those foundations gave way.
One of my best friends died.
One of my wife's best friends has cancer.
A friend I had trusted with my business, someone whom I had helped and placed in a position of trust betrayed not only me but my family including my brother to employers and pastors. Jobs were lost, trust was damaged.
Another friend and employee went out of their way to spread lies and rumors about me and my business around town. Someone I had taken in and trained to be my assistant. Who worked for me for 4-5 years. They made nearly six figures as my assistant. From next to nothing to six figures. And they betrayed me.
Sleepless nights
Hours of weeping
Stress
Denial
Constant and unrelenting worry
There are other things. Trivial in relation to these. All this happened from 2008 to the present. Six years so far. Seems like an eternity.
Through all this, my foundation which is supposed to be my faith in God was shaken, I mentioned this already but its important enough to reiterate. EVERYTHING was shaken. Some of it destroyed. The frame work of my life, success, money, friends, church, faith, even family, all shaken. This blog in part has been an attempt of retaining some of my moorings. Of trying to journey back to faith or more appropriately, of retaining what little I had left and yet done from a perspective of trying to hide or at least shield myself from the truth of the destruction my family and I have experienced over the last few years.
Reading back through the various posts, I am reminded that He is good. More importantly, I now know that even in the midst of this journey in which only bad things seem to be happening, He was still good. Its taken a long time to accept. My journey into grace which took off last February but was begun even before all this happened is what has sustained me in all this. In my deepest sorrow, anger, grief and frustration, He has been sustaining me. Often times I was not aware of it. I questioned the very existence of a being that was supposed to be good and yet let all this horrible stuff happen.
And so the truth is I am undone. Some of it my own doing. Some of it outside my control. Some of it intentionally done by others. Regardless, I am exhausted in my physical being. I am tired of trying. Of putting on the brave face. I am exhausted by the facade of OKness. I am weary of battle. I have PTSD. I am war weary. I am lonely. I am walking wounded. I have no community. I am prodigal.
But today, I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that no matter what, I am secure in His love. That I am in His light. And nothing can separate me from His eternal love. He has revealed to me what has always been. That I am loved. This the good news. That all these present troubles are but a mist. A mere trifle, a minor annoyance in light of His wonderful love and goodness. The promise of abundant life, the assurance of peace, the presence of eternal joy. These are His gifts of wonder and awe to me.
So hope springs eternal. Because I have Him. And the story is all about Him. Not me. Its about He has already rescued me. How His joy is my joy. How his rest is my rest, about how his strength is my strength. About how He is my closet friend. About how His contentment is my contentment. His health for my sickness. His riches for my poverty. His loyalty for my betrayals.
I'm sitting in Starbucks writing this. I love the atmosphere. The casual indifference. The strong smell of coffee which I'm becoming addicted to, the bitter taste of expresso....the swirl of people getting their caffeine fix (I drink decaf due to the heart condition). Sitting here, listening to my extensive library of worship music. I can't help but be of good cheer. For He has overcome the world.
I am a new creation. Honestly, I wish all the stuff I mentioned was fixed. Its not. Some of it hasn't even begun to be fixed. Maybe it never will be. Who knows. But I don't care. Jesus loves me. I love Him because He loves me. I can worship freely and with abandon. In the midst of continual struggle, I am finally free!
I can't believe it. Freedom has finally come. And it looks nothing like what I thought freedom would look like. I was blind but now I see!
This little video from Lakewood is a little bit of how I feel today. Worshipful, joyful and hopeful.
Then I look back, and the mundane has taken on aspects of wonder.
The daily details often obscure the wonder that is life. Today I took some time to look back at previous posts. I am filled with awe at the things that have transpired in between the posts. Each post represents a period of time in which details to mundane to mention coalesced into incidents that have meaning.
Some posts are rich in detail about single events. Take my friend Peter's death. I read that post today. I was taken back to that time and I wept again. But then I remembered its been two years. Time has passed. His wife Shanie has remarried and is celebrating new life on her honeymoon in Europe and his kids have all begun successful adult lives of their own and one is even expecting his first grandchild.
In sadness there is joy, in grief there is new life. It is the way of the world. The way of the Creator. The way of grace.
Other posts are less poignant. They are simply milestones in the journey. Some of which I can't remember why I wrote them. They meant something then. What I cannot remember, nor do I care. I care about the ones that bring back the memories of wonder and awe of His goodness. While this blog is sparse in terms of posts, its still full of wonder and awe. I remember the previous six years and what this blog has been about.
And I'm blown away by it:
Some history;
I lost my business
I filed bankruptcy
I lost my house
I lost the rental we were in after losing the house.
We are essentially homeless
I lost my reputation in the community
My brother lost his house as a result of my business failure.
My dad lost his house as a result of my business failure.
My dad had a quadruple bypass
My dad had a terrible gall bladder operation and took months to recover
My brother had stents put in due to heart disease.
My other brother had stents put in due to heart disease.
I had a heart attack.
I had three stents put in over a 6 month period.
I had pneumonia
I had 30 hours of Afib. Not fun at all.
I lost my identity. Who was I?
My wife was very depressed, ( who wouldn't be?)
I was depressed....but in severe denial about it.
I have severe tendonitis in my right shoulder. A result of 20+ years of being a desk jockey.( getting better but still its a handicap)
I lost most of my so called friends. They ran like rats on a ship when the money stopped flowing.
The church we called home for 25 years and that my wife grew up in collapsed. My spiritual foundations were shaken to the core. Some of those foundations gave way.
One of my best friends died.
One of my wife's best friends has cancer.
A friend I had trusted with my business, someone whom I had helped and placed in a position of trust betrayed not only me but my family including my brother to employers and pastors. Jobs were lost, trust was damaged.
Another friend and employee went out of their way to spread lies and rumors about me and my business around town. Someone I had taken in and trained to be my assistant. Who worked for me for 4-5 years. They made nearly six figures as my assistant. From next to nothing to six figures. And they betrayed me.
Sleepless nights
Hours of weeping
Stress
Denial
Constant and unrelenting worry
There are other things. Trivial in relation to these. All this happened from 2008 to the present. Six years so far. Seems like an eternity.
Through all this, my foundation which is supposed to be my faith in God was shaken, I mentioned this already but its important enough to reiterate. EVERYTHING was shaken. Some of it destroyed. The frame work of my life, success, money, friends, church, faith, even family, all shaken. This blog in part has been an attempt of retaining some of my moorings. Of trying to journey back to faith or more appropriately, of retaining what little I had left and yet done from a perspective of trying to hide or at least shield myself from the truth of the destruction my family and I have experienced over the last few years.
Reading back through the various posts, I am reminded that He is good. More importantly, I now know that even in the midst of this journey in which only bad things seem to be happening, He was still good. Its taken a long time to accept. My journey into grace which took off last February but was begun even before all this happened is what has sustained me in all this. In my deepest sorrow, anger, grief and frustration, He has been sustaining me. Often times I was not aware of it. I questioned the very existence of a being that was supposed to be good and yet let all this horrible stuff happen.
And so the truth is I am undone. Some of it my own doing. Some of it outside my control. Some of it intentionally done by others. Regardless, I am exhausted in my physical being. I am tired of trying. Of putting on the brave face. I am exhausted by the facade of OKness. I am weary of battle. I have PTSD. I am war weary. I am lonely. I am walking wounded. I have no community. I am prodigal.
But today, I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that no matter what, I am secure in His love. That I am in His light. And nothing can separate me from His eternal love. He has revealed to me what has always been. That I am loved. This the good news. That all these present troubles are but a mist. A mere trifle, a minor annoyance in light of His wonderful love and goodness. The promise of abundant life, the assurance of peace, the presence of eternal joy. These are His gifts of wonder and awe to me.
So hope springs eternal. Because I have Him. And the story is all about Him. Not me. Its about He has already rescued me. How His joy is my joy. How his rest is my rest, about how his strength is my strength. About how He is my closet friend. About how His contentment is my contentment. His health for my sickness. His riches for my poverty. His loyalty for my betrayals.
I'm sitting in Starbucks writing this. I love the atmosphere. The casual indifference. The strong smell of coffee which I'm becoming addicted to, the bitter taste of expresso....the swirl of people getting their caffeine fix (I drink decaf due to the heart condition). Sitting here, listening to my extensive library of worship music. I can't help but be of good cheer. For He has overcome the world.
I am a new creation. Honestly, I wish all the stuff I mentioned was fixed. Its not. Some of it hasn't even begun to be fixed. Maybe it never will be. Who knows. But I don't care. Jesus loves me. I love Him because He loves me. I can worship freely and with abandon. In the midst of continual struggle, I am finally free!
I can't believe it. Freedom has finally come. And it looks nothing like what I thought freedom would look like. I was blind but now I see!
This little video from Lakewood is a little bit of how I feel today. Worshipful, joyful and hopeful.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Day 88 of 100 Days of Favor
no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
and their righteousness is from me, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17
I've heard this scripture over and over and yet never heard the last part. My heritage is to that no weapon formed against me will succeed and that my righteousness is from God. Its when I know my righteousness is from God that no weapon formed against me will succeed! Its when I think I have to earn my righteousness that the accuser of the brethren can make accusations against me; "who do you think you are? You're not good enough to be a Christian". These are lies from the pit of hell but they are accurate IF I continue trying to earn my righteousness. Instead, its during these times of accusation I must confess with my mouth that I am the righteousness of God through Jesus's finished work at the cross!
Romans 4:2-5 says that those that work for their righteousness, those wages are not counted as grace but debt. Ouch....then it goes on to say that those who do not work for their righteousness but believe on Him who justifies the ungodly, those peoples faith is counted for righteousness. He is a God that justifies the ungodly...this then is grace! The unrighteous and ungodly being justified by faith! Before the law, Abraham was justified by his faith. God counted it for righteousness.....and all he did was believe.
I'm super excited to know that I am fully justified before God. Not by my works but by His perfect work at the cross! Never again will I give place to the accuser of men. His mouth is silenced by the true revelation of grace. Some say that grace is divine influence to do the will of God.....and it is that, but it is so much more than this. This definition simply places grace back in the place of helping us do more.....like its just something to help us keep the law! A true definition of grace might be; unmerited favor from a holy and perfect God toward me flowing in never ending rivers of love, joy, strength and peace!
Its from this place of forgiveness, strength, peace and joy that I want to please Him. Not because of punishment if I don't but because of His unending goodness that draws me to repentance. I want to do right because He loves me so much....its the only reason I want to do right. Otherwise my human nature runs toward the darkness continually. But His goodness brings me again and again to repentance.
I am now Christ conscious instead of sin conscious! Its a much better way to live. No more fear of what I might do wrong today. Instead I rejoice in His continual forgiveness....after all, He said it is finished!
and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord
and their righteousness is from me, declares the Lord.” Isaiah 54:17
I've heard this scripture over and over and yet never heard the last part. My heritage is to that no weapon formed against me will succeed and that my righteousness is from God. Its when I know my righteousness is from God that no weapon formed against me will succeed! Its when I think I have to earn my righteousness that the accuser of the brethren can make accusations against me; "who do you think you are? You're not good enough to be a Christian". These are lies from the pit of hell but they are accurate IF I continue trying to earn my righteousness. Instead, its during these times of accusation I must confess with my mouth that I am the righteousness of God through Jesus's finished work at the cross!
Romans 4:2-5 says that those that work for their righteousness, those wages are not counted as grace but debt. Ouch....then it goes on to say that those who do not work for their righteousness but believe on Him who justifies the ungodly, those peoples faith is counted for righteousness. He is a God that justifies the ungodly...this then is grace! The unrighteous and ungodly being justified by faith! Before the law, Abraham was justified by his faith. God counted it for righteousness.....and all he did was believe.
I'm super excited to know that I am fully justified before God. Not by my works but by His perfect work at the cross! Never again will I give place to the accuser of men. His mouth is silenced by the true revelation of grace. Some say that grace is divine influence to do the will of God.....and it is that, but it is so much more than this. This definition simply places grace back in the place of helping us do more.....like its just something to help us keep the law! A true definition of grace might be; unmerited favor from a holy and perfect God toward me flowing in never ending rivers of love, joy, strength and peace!
Its from this place of forgiveness, strength, peace and joy that I want to please Him. Not because of punishment if I don't but because of His unending goodness that draws me to repentance. I want to do right because He loves me so much....its the only reason I want to do right. Otherwise my human nature runs toward the darkness continually. But His goodness brings me again and again to repentance.
I am now Christ conscious instead of sin conscious! Its a much better way to live. No more fear of what I might do wrong today. Instead I rejoice in His continual forgiveness....after all, He said it is finished!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
a life time ago
I wrote my last post on April the 5th 2013. Seven days before my heart attack and 3 months ago. That seems like a lifetime ago.
So much has changed since then. My diet, weight, my health have all changed for the better. Almost no sugar, no fried foods....etc....I'm still working on it to be sure but gradually I am getting in better health.
But a quick word about the heart attack....during and after.
As you recall, I wrote about grace a few days before the heart attack. In fact, a few weeks prior to that post, God had revealed Himself and His grace in a powerful way with the words from Scripture..."it is finished". What those words meant was, there is no longer a sin issue because the sinless one has put an end to the requirement of the law. It meant I could be 100% certain of my standing with God through the finished work of Jesus on the cross regardless of how I felt about myself. No more fear of the afterlife because that was secure. I was in a state of perpetual joy over the thunderbolt of the revelation of grace in my life.
So fast forward to the heart attack, April 12th 2013 around 9:30PM. Lying in bed, thinking I had indigestion from the large meal at Red Lobster. Someone had given us a gift card and we made much use of it that night. I told myself the indigestion would go away and to just go to sleep. So I did but two hours later awoke with severe pain in my right arm and serious pressure on my upper chest. These symptoms got worse and I told my wife I didn't feel good.
Soon thereafter we made the decision to go the hospital just in case. I got up, got dressed and told my wife I'd wait downstairs whilst she finished getting dressed.
I went outside and stood in the driveway as she made her way downstairs. Soon the pain was extreme and in that moment I knew I was having a heart attack and in that very same moment standing in the street outside the house, I knew I could die any second. Oddly enough, instead of fear and panic overwhelming me, I felt at peace. As the Scripture says "The peace that passes all understanding shall KEEP your hearts and minds". I did not have peace, peace had me. It kept me. And I knew it was His grace that enabled me to have the peace that if I died that night, I would see Jesus face to face. And through the entire episode, I had no fear. Instead I had almost a sense of detachment, as if I was watching myself and knowing in the end, it would all work out so no need to get excited about it at all! Like the script had already been written and I knew the ending already.
The drive to the hospital took somewhere around 24 hours to make....really it was 10 minutes or less but it felt far longer....the pain was intense and I wanted it to be over quicly....but once there, they took outstanding care of me....for which I am eternally grateful....and there is another miracle surrounding the hospital bill as well which is a topic for another post...suffice to say, without insurance I owe nothing to YRMC!
I guess the purpose of this post is to capture my perspective about my life before and after grace. My life prior to the revelation of grace seems far removed from my current existence. It seems somehow foreign. Alien even....and more importantly, full of doubt, full of fear, full of worry and anxiety.
As a Christian, those things were not supposed to be part of my life and yet they were. Yes I believed in God and in Jesus but to be 100% honest, the life the Bible promised was not what I was living......I was however, searching for that life and I believe the prayer I was praying...."God, open yourself to me, show me grace, show me your Good News was answered that day when grace came down.....I cannot imagine life without grace. Everything seems less frightening now. Uncertainty, difficulty, disappointments, all seem to fade somehow in the light of grace. And its true, the Kingdom really is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. I'm not always righteous, nor am I always peaceful and I don't always walk in joy....BUT and its a BIG BUT....those things are always close. Where before they were something I needed to search for and sometimes I never found them.....but now, they are but a breath away....regardless of what I feel like, I know I can simply appropriate them in this present moment and they are mine!
I can't explain it. It was revelation. It is revelation.....it will be revelation....in the sense that its ongoing. There was no moment of revelation....instead there is revelation. Now, in this present moment. Revelation of His unending and unbelievable goodness. Each new breath is a revelation of His favor. I get now why the Scripture says "in Him I live and move and have my being." Because without Him I can do nothing. Yes I can work and I can strive and I can accomplish different things....but even that is because of His favor. So better to acknowledge it and rest in it.
I'm rambling and it makes no sense. I get that. Its hard to explain. Its so deep and yet so simple. Grace. A waterfall of His mercy and goodness. I can simply stand under its flow and enjoy all His benefits.
I'm gonna post a bit more often now. There are a few topics I want to get on paper so to speak so I can preserve them while their fresh in my mind...
1. Peace (shalom)
2. Rest (the Sabbath)
3. Communion (as often as you do it)
4. Sin and sacrifice
5. Kings and priests vs slaves
6. Speaking vs doing which ties in with Kings and priests
7. And a few other things as they come up.
So much has changed since then. My diet, weight, my health have all changed for the better. Almost no sugar, no fried foods....etc....I'm still working on it to be sure but gradually I am getting in better health.
But a quick word about the heart attack....during and after.
As you recall, I wrote about grace a few days before the heart attack. In fact, a few weeks prior to that post, God had revealed Himself and His grace in a powerful way with the words from Scripture..."it is finished". What those words meant was, there is no longer a sin issue because the sinless one has put an end to the requirement of the law. It meant I could be 100% certain of my standing with God through the finished work of Jesus on the cross regardless of how I felt about myself. No more fear of the afterlife because that was secure. I was in a state of perpetual joy over the thunderbolt of the revelation of grace in my life.
So fast forward to the heart attack, April 12th 2013 around 9:30PM. Lying in bed, thinking I had indigestion from the large meal at Red Lobster. Someone had given us a gift card and we made much use of it that night. I told myself the indigestion would go away and to just go to sleep. So I did but two hours later awoke with severe pain in my right arm and serious pressure on my upper chest. These symptoms got worse and I told my wife I didn't feel good.
Soon thereafter we made the decision to go the hospital just in case. I got up, got dressed and told my wife I'd wait downstairs whilst she finished getting dressed.
I went outside and stood in the driveway as she made her way downstairs. Soon the pain was extreme and in that moment I knew I was having a heart attack and in that very same moment standing in the street outside the house, I knew I could die any second. Oddly enough, instead of fear and panic overwhelming me, I felt at peace. As the Scripture says "The peace that passes all understanding shall KEEP your hearts and minds". I did not have peace, peace had me. It kept me. And I knew it was His grace that enabled me to have the peace that if I died that night, I would see Jesus face to face. And through the entire episode, I had no fear. Instead I had almost a sense of detachment, as if I was watching myself and knowing in the end, it would all work out so no need to get excited about it at all! Like the script had already been written and I knew the ending already.
The drive to the hospital took somewhere around 24 hours to make....really it was 10 minutes or less but it felt far longer....the pain was intense and I wanted it to be over quicly....but once there, they took outstanding care of me....for which I am eternally grateful....and there is another miracle surrounding the hospital bill as well which is a topic for another post...suffice to say, without insurance I owe nothing to YRMC!
I guess the purpose of this post is to capture my perspective about my life before and after grace. My life prior to the revelation of grace seems far removed from my current existence. It seems somehow foreign. Alien even....and more importantly, full of doubt, full of fear, full of worry and anxiety.
As a Christian, those things were not supposed to be part of my life and yet they were. Yes I believed in God and in Jesus but to be 100% honest, the life the Bible promised was not what I was living......I was however, searching for that life and I believe the prayer I was praying...."God, open yourself to me, show me grace, show me your Good News was answered that day when grace came down.....I cannot imagine life without grace. Everything seems less frightening now. Uncertainty, difficulty, disappointments, all seem to fade somehow in the light of grace. And its true, the Kingdom really is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. I'm not always righteous, nor am I always peaceful and I don't always walk in joy....BUT and its a BIG BUT....those things are always close. Where before they were something I needed to search for and sometimes I never found them.....but now, they are but a breath away....regardless of what I feel like, I know I can simply appropriate them in this present moment and they are mine!
I can't explain it. It was revelation. It is revelation.....it will be revelation....in the sense that its ongoing. There was no moment of revelation....instead there is revelation. Now, in this present moment. Revelation of His unending and unbelievable goodness. Each new breath is a revelation of His favor. I get now why the Scripture says "in Him I live and move and have my being." Because without Him I can do nothing. Yes I can work and I can strive and I can accomplish different things....but even that is because of His favor. So better to acknowledge it and rest in it.
I'm rambling and it makes no sense. I get that. Its hard to explain. Its so deep and yet so simple. Grace. A waterfall of His mercy and goodness. I can simply stand under its flow and enjoy all His benefits.
I'm gonna post a bit more often now. There are a few topics I want to get on paper so to speak so I can preserve them while their fresh in my mind...
1. Peace (shalom)
2. Rest (the Sabbath)
3. Communion (as often as you do it)
4. Sin and sacrifice
5. Kings and priests vs slaves
6. Speaking vs doing which ties in with Kings and priests
7. And a few other things as they come up.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Grace....greasy and otherwise.....
Grace....its easy to dismiss grace as the get out of jail free card.....most of us Christians have spent much time disparaging those that need constant grace, forgetting to look in the mirror of the Word to make sure we have our own measure of grace in place.
The truth is, if not for grace, we would all be screwed. Yes, that is the technical term for it. Sin came by one man to all, grace came by one man to all. Easy to say, simple for God to do, hard for us to grasp fully what that means.
These past few years, I am learning what grace is. It is the classical interpretation, "unmerited favor from God" but its so much more than this. This sounds religious. And Jesus had some unkind things to say about religion. Religion keeps man from God under the guise of pointing man to God by creating rules through which man must approach God. Instead, grace opens the path for man to approach God freely and in his own way. Yes, Jesus is the only way to God, but how we get to Jesus is up to us and grace throws wide the door to the throne room and invites all who are weary, dirty, tired, poor, sick, and burdened with life to enter His presence and celebrate life. There is no caveat....just invitation.
Grace makes it possible for me to lay aside my desire to sin. Not just the sin itself, but the desire. As I revel in His grace, my desire for sin diminishes, as I rely on myself, my desire for sin increases. Grace is not greasy, its just the opposite. Grace covers all but births within me the desire to have less to cover. Grace says, "I'll cover your sin, but there's a better way".
I see on the landscape of religion, ways to exclude, boundaries keeping people out. Yet the Good News of the Kingdom was so great that people died getting it to other people. The religion I have known is not good enough, not exciting enough to lay down my life for. Rules and regulations through which I approach God is simply not the Good News.
If those of us calling ourselves Christians presented the real Good News (provided we understand it properly) perhaps those we are presenting to would receive it with more joy.
Grace and truth, the entirety of the Good News message. While we were sinners, Christ died for us so that we who were dead in our sin, could live again.....the price paid for all mankind, once and for all. No one left out....and no further action needed. Because of this, we can live life fully alive in the Kingdom. Our choice. We choose to live in the Kingdom or we choose to live in hell. The Kingdom according to Jesus is in the hearts of men. If the Kingdom is in the hearts of men, which means we have the choice of where to live this present life. Surely any choice we make to live below Kingdom standards is choosing to live in the gates of hell.
God's ways are not our ways. What makes sense to us is just foolishness to him. What is foolishness to us is very often the way of the Kingdom.....it makes sense for me to have to perform something to live in the Kingdom and yet He says "nope....just live, My gift to you, enjoy".
I choose the Kingdom....
The truth is, if not for grace, we would all be screwed. Yes, that is the technical term for it. Sin came by one man to all, grace came by one man to all. Easy to say, simple for God to do, hard for us to grasp fully what that means.
These past few years, I am learning what grace is. It is the classical interpretation, "unmerited favor from God" but its so much more than this. This sounds religious. And Jesus had some unkind things to say about religion. Religion keeps man from God under the guise of pointing man to God by creating rules through which man must approach God. Instead, grace opens the path for man to approach God freely and in his own way. Yes, Jesus is the only way to God, but how we get to Jesus is up to us and grace throws wide the door to the throne room and invites all who are weary, dirty, tired, poor, sick, and burdened with life to enter His presence and celebrate life. There is no caveat....just invitation.
Grace makes it possible for me to lay aside my desire to sin. Not just the sin itself, but the desire. As I revel in His grace, my desire for sin diminishes, as I rely on myself, my desire for sin increases. Grace is not greasy, its just the opposite. Grace covers all but births within me the desire to have less to cover. Grace says, "I'll cover your sin, but there's a better way".
I see on the landscape of religion, ways to exclude, boundaries keeping people out. Yet the Good News of the Kingdom was so great that people died getting it to other people. The religion I have known is not good enough, not exciting enough to lay down my life for. Rules and regulations through which I approach God is simply not the Good News.
If those of us calling ourselves Christians presented the real Good News (provided we understand it properly) perhaps those we are presenting to would receive it with more joy.
Grace and truth, the entirety of the Good News message. While we were sinners, Christ died for us so that we who were dead in our sin, could live again.....the price paid for all mankind, once and for all. No one left out....and no further action needed. Because of this, we can live life fully alive in the Kingdom. Our choice. We choose to live in the Kingdom or we choose to live in hell. The Kingdom according to Jesus is in the hearts of men. If the Kingdom is in the hearts of men, which means we have the choice of where to live this present life. Surely any choice we make to live below Kingdom standards is choosing to live in the gates of hell.
God's ways are not our ways. What makes sense to us is just foolishness to him. What is foolishness to us is very often the way of the Kingdom.....it makes sense for me to have to perform something to live in the Kingdom and yet He says "nope....just live, My gift to you, enjoy".
I choose the Kingdom....
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
nevertheless.....
Lazarus is dead, Jesus is off on a ministry trip, or so He says. Mary and Martha, the beloved sisters are inconsolable. Messengers sent to fetch Jesus to heal Lazarus before he dies return empty handed. Time passes. An inappropriate amount of time. Jesus is late. Rudely so.
Lazarus, the bread winner, the fixer, the life of the party, the adult male from whom the families sustenance is supposed to flow.....dead.
The one man who could've prevented the untimely death inexplicably delays his arrival. Even after he knows Lazarus is dead, he delays. Confusion abounds. Murmuring ensues. Dark shadows of doubt creep closer. Distrust and anger. Hurt feelings. All part of the families' emotions now. Death is final.
Finally Jesus arrives. Four days late. Mary, to hurt to respond stays in the house. Martha runs to meet Him in the way. Her words, not mine. "Jesus, if you would have been here, Lazarus would not have died. Nevertheless, I know God will give you whatever you ask".
Nevertheless? Really? Is this something you say when death is final? When the healer is late. When the dreams are dead and buried?
The first part I get. "If you would have been here, our beloved Lazarus, our brother, our provider, our fixer, our life of the party would not have died". I get this. In fact, I've often said the same exact thing. "Jesus, if you would have shown up a few days earlier, or if you would have done this or that, these dreams of mine would still be alive". Never have I followed it with "nevertheless". This has never occurred to me to say. The dreams died. I've had a five year funeral, grieved and now looking to replace the dreams with something more "realistic", less lofty, less "God given". Something I can achieve on my own without help.
Nevertheless. A powerful word. Jesus told Martha, "He shall rise again" Martha of course knew this would happen in the resurrection of the dead. But Jesus was the resurrection, only she didn't recognize Him as such. Moved by compassion and her faith, Jesus did the only thing He could, He transcended time and space and asked God to bring the resurrection she was expecting in the future into the present. Lazarus lived again! The same man, the same provider, the same life of the party, the same fixer, the same brother lived again! Only this time with a tale to tell of His goodness.
"Nevertheless, whatever you ask of God He will give it to you". Whatever God gives is much better than what we expect. Dreams dead? Nevertheless, ask God. Receive whatever He gives.
I've been Mary, to hurt to respond. I am becoming Martha who is willing to say, nevertheless.....and then accept it as better than whatever it was that died. And I will live to tell the tale.
Lazarus, the bread winner, the fixer, the life of the party, the adult male from whom the families sustenance is supposed to flow.....dead.
The one man who could've prevented the untimely death inexplicably delays his arrival. Even after he knows Lazarus is dead, he delays. Confusion abounds. Murmuring ensues. Dark shadows of doubt creep closer. Distrust and anger. Hurt feelings. All part of the families' emotions now. Death is final.
Finally Jesus arrives. Four days late. Mary, to hurt to respond stays in the house. Martha runs to meet Him in the way. Her words, not mine. "Jesus, if you would have been here, Lazarus would not have died. Nevertheless, I know God will give you whatever you ask".
Nevertheless? Really? Is this something you say when death is final? When the healer is late. When the dreams are dead and buried?
The first part I get. "If you would have been here, our beloved Lazarus, our brother, our provider, our fixer, our life of the party would not have died". I get this. In fact, I've often said the same exact thing. "Jesus, if you would have shown up a few days earlier, or if you would have done this or that, these dreams of mine would still be alive". Never have I followed it with "nevertheless". This has never occurred to me to say. The dreams died. I've had a five year funeral, grieved and now looking to replace the dreams with something more "realistic", less lofty, less "God given". Something I can achieve on my own without help.
Nevertheless. A powerful word. Jesus told Martha, "He shall rise again" Martha of course knew this would happen in the resurrection of the dead. But Jesus was the resurrection, only she didn't recognize Him as such. Moved by compassion and her faith, Jesus did the only thing He could, He transcended time and space and asked God to bring the resurrection she was expecting in the future into the present. Lazarus lived again! The same man, the same provider, the same life of the party, the same fixer, the same brother lived again! Only this time with a tale to tell of His goodness.
"Nevertheless, whatever you ask of God He will give it to you". Whatever God gives is much better than what we expect. Dreams dead? Nevertheless, ask God. Receive whatever He gives.
I've been Mary, to hurt to respond. I am becoming Martha who is willing to say, nevertheless.....and then accept it as better than whatever it was that died. And I will live to tell the tale.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Tyranny of Love III
A long time since I have written. Since my last post, I've given a lot of thought to John 3:16. "For God so loved that He gave His only Son".
I'm not entirely sure how He had what it took to sacrifice His only son. I know I would rather sacrifice myself for my child than for her to suffer. The Christian tradition says that Jesus was the son of God and yet it also says that Jesus was God in the flesh. Is it possible that God sacrificed himself for us? It does appear that way. In many places scripture says that God became flesh. That He took on the facade of flesh to pay the ultimate sacrifice.
Scripture also says that through one man death came into the world to all men(Adam) and that through one man (Jesus) life came to all men. Does this mean all men have access into the life He promised. It sure looks like it!
The big deal here is this; God loved His creation with such overwhelming love, He did the unthinkable. He gave Himself as the payment for our sin. How He did this is above my pay grade. I'm just glad He did.
A love this strong can only be described as obsessive, wild, furious, crazy, head over heels. It is what drives a man to abandon all semblance of normalcy and act completely outside themselves to win the object of their affection. It drives a man to jump in front of a speeding car to save their kid in the street, it will drive a solider to jump on a grenade to save the lives of his brothers in arms, it drove Him to the cross.....it is abnormal.
And yet, most of us pass off the story of His love on the cross as a nice Bible story when in fact its the tipping point of eternity. Its the one thing, the one act, the one Person we should most pay attention to and more importantly, live as though we actually believed its message.
What is the message? Simple....Love, His love, conquers all. There is no need for anything else, man made or otherwise. In fact, anything that distracts from that message is opposed to that message. This message is the narrow gate Jesus referred to. The broad gate mentioned is everything else that distracts us from His love. We are so preoccupied with what we perceive as our life, we forget His. And in forgetting, we die. We were designed to live in the fullness of His love which energizes us and gives us purpose and direction. As the ancient saint said, "The glory of God is man fully alive".
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tyranny of Love part 2...In The Beginning
Its been a couple of weeks since I started this study about love.....I confess I started and then thought to myself, "who are you to write about this? The world's greatest writers and thinkers have written for centuries about love and the answer is still not settled". So I didn't write.....but that is the wrong answer...who cares what they thought? Its my journey. They may provide guidance along the way but its still my path to walk....so here goes...
A person's world view must frame how they approach subjects like this....my world view is Christian in the sense that I grew up in a Christian home and spent all my formative years learning about God and the Bible. I did not however, learn about love. I learned the do's and don'ts as well as punishment and rewards....these are all valid things but NOT the essence of what Christ taught.....do's and don'ts can be legislated and enforced with punishment and incentivized with rewards but they are best when love flows and they become natural instead of forced.So this is the basic frame work through which I see the world.....lets dig a little deeper now.
Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People said that one should begin with the end in mind. In other words, do today what will bring desired results tomorrow. I intend to change that up a bit and begin with the beginning in mind.
One must make some assumptions about the beginning. Leaps of faith if you will. There are only two: 1. There is no God and the world we live in is a freak accident. This is a belief system that requires the same level of faith atheists accuse the simpleton believers of having in a God and the hereafter. Basically a religion with man as the object of worship. And to some degree, I can see why man in his finite wisdom chooses to worship and love man or perhaps more accurately, mankind. After all, man is an incredibly complex and creative wonderful being. Almost god like in our creativity. Whats not to worship?
These humanity worshipers dream of utopia where all humans live in harmony, peace and love united by our common respect and honor for each other and our differences. Tolerance I think they call it. But man keeps defying these Utopian dreams with their ugly actions...war and violence erupt much more frequently than peace and harmony and so the dreamers use creative and often times coercive means to achieve their dreams. Rules and regulations, submission to the Utopian dreamers because they know best. Physical force and physical laws to achieve what really is a spiritual goal. I hate to say it but its a futile dream. This train of thought is a rabbit hole from which there is no escape. Its hard to have a discussion of love with this context as a foundation.
Number 2 and where I believe the only rational discussion of love can originate from. Lets begin with the assumption that God exists. Lets not argue about the why or how He exists, only that He does. Lets further make assumptions the Bible is correct when it says that God created the universe. Lets not argue about how long that took or if 6 days mean 6 actual days or if they represented a longer period of time. I really don't care. I'm good with both viewpoints. They are irrelevant to the larger reason of WHY God created the universe.
So with the beginning in mind.... lets proceed with a basic framework within which to work. To save some time, I am going to bullet point them without to much explanation.
- God created the universe and everything in it.
- God created man in His own image. Essentially the nature and DNA of God flows in man's veins. Therefore we have characteristics and attributes of God just like children have characteristics and attributes of their parents without being their parents. This is something atheists forget. They are not their "parent".
- God created man different than the animals. Man was created with free will. This free will was to be exercised in his relationship with God. Free to choose to love or not to love. That's what we all want isn't it? Some that loves us because they choose to, not because they have to.
- God created man in order to have relationship with him. This seems odd because it implies that God was lonely and wants to be around creatures that has his same attributes and characteristics.....a peer group if you will. Someone or many someones to hang out with and do cool things with. This is why the Bible says that man was created a little lower than God. He couldn't create more gods but he could create a creature with most of his characteristics and attributes. This implies that we humans were at least originally created with many godlike powers. I believe we retain many of these yet are blinded to them due to sin and our focus on lessor things.
- He had the host of heaven to hang out with but they were not His peers. They were created beings whose job it was to serve the King of Heaven.
- A portion of those created beings whose job it was to serve the King of Heaven rebelled and were cast away from heaven. Their leader, Lucifer hates God's crowning creation, man. Why you ask, because man represents everything Lucifer is not. The center of God's attention and love. This means the agenda of Lucifer is driven by jealousy. Therefore his ultimate goal is to destroy the crown jewel of creation, mankind.
- The physical world we live in is the battle ground for the cosmic battle between the rage and hatred of Lucifer that seeks to take as many of God's beloved with him to the pit of hell where he was banished by any means necessary including diverse and false religions and the all powerful, overwhelming love God has for His beloved creation, man.
- Man choose to sin. To listen to the seduction of Lucifer instead of the wisdom of God. Because life is in the blood and genetics is passed from parent to child, the sin that infused man in the Garden now lives in the blood of all mankind.
- Man's choice requires death. This seems harsh but since God is perfect and no imperfection can be in His presence, death is the only option. Yet God in his desperate love for mankind, decided to make a way for mankind to be free from sin. He began with law. Keep the law and you will be perfect. Again, allowing man free choice to keep or not keep the law.
- Mankind could not keep the law because sin drives man to sin more. Its sin's nature. To be worse and worse. It's a disease of the blood. And that requires sacrifice.
This is the basic frame work from which the remainder of the discussions regarding my random thoughts will flow. Next will be how sacrifice came into being and why. Its an incredible story. And leads directly to love.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tyranny Of Love Part 1
I am starting a new study about love. Many have traveled this road before me and written more eloquently than I will. Thats ok. Each must journey and each must learn for themselves. The journey is what is important.
Today I will be jotting down random thoughts....these are just place holders for a later attempt to coalesce these thoughts into something that makes sense and captures the essence of the random thoughts I've been having regarding the issue of love.
So here goes:
The Beatles may have had it right but wrong at the same time. They sang that all you need is love...and they are correct. But what kind of love? How does love live? How does love talk? Does love have rights? Responsibilities? Where does love draw the line? Is there a line? If yes, why, if no, why not.
Is love a group thing or is it only individual. If a group, how big? Who do we invite? Exclude? Why or why not?
Is the idea of "all we need is love" Utopian? Can it be realized? If yes, how? If not, what to do instead.
Whose in charge if all we need or have is love? Do we need a leader? If yes, what are the limits of authority? If no, how in the world will it all make sense.
Is there an example we can look at for the Utopian love ideal? Is the example credible? Why or why not.
Does religion play a role? If so, which one? (Side note: I have yet to find a religion that on a macro scale actually practices most of what they preach).
Is love convenient? Does it have guilt? What about trust and fear? Where do these fit in? Is fear the opposite of love?
See...random thoughts.
Some more:
Pride
Position
Possessions
How does love treat these?
What about these?
Time
Talent
Treasure
Hang on or turn loose?
1 Corinthians Ch 13 and verse 1 of chapter 14.....Let love be your highest goal....compounded by the declarations that without love, all my skills and abilities are just noise. The promise of seeing clearly in the future instead of through a dirty window now speaks to me of a love that transcends my limited knowledge. No strike that...it does not transcend my knowledge....it will transcend my EXPERIENCE of love.....
Light Bulb.....its not my knowledge that is lacking, its my experience that is lacking. Love is an experience that lasts longer than the moment....its......I just ran out of words.....have to get back to this one.
Some said that Love makes no demands....I think this is rubbish....love demands total abandonment....else its just "like" and not love. Love wants to dominate....obliterate anything in its path to world domination.
injustice, division, hate, fear, manipulation, war, poverty....some big picture things opposing love. Odd thought about love wanting total world domination. Is it losing? Sure seems that way.
Wow, this is bigger than I originally thought....
Love is a tyrant.
Today I will be jotting down random thoughts....these are just place holders for a later attempt to coalesce these thoughts into something that makes sense and captures the essence of the random thoughts I've been having regarding the issue of love.
So here goes:
The Beatles may have had it right but wrong at the same time. They sang that all you need is love...and they are correct. But what kind of love? How does love live? How does love talk? Does love have rights? Responsibilities? Where does love draw the line? Is there a line? If yes, why, if no, why not.
Is love a group thing or is it only individual. If a group, how big? Who do we invite? Exclude? Why or why not?
Is the idea of "all we need is love" Utopian? Can it be realized? If yes, how? If not, what to do instead.
Whose in charge if all we need or have is love? Do we need a leader? If yes, what are the limits of authority? If no, how in the world will it all make sense.
Is there an example we can look at for the Utopian love ideal? Is the example credible? Why or why not.
Does religion play a role? If so, which one? (Side note: I have yet to find a religion that on a macro scale actually practices most of what they preach).
Is love convenient? Does it have guilt? What about trust and fear? Where do these fit in? Is fear the opposite of love?
See...random thoughts.
Some more:
Pride
Position
Possessions
How does love treat these?
What about these?
Time
Talent
Treasure
Hang on or turn loose?
1 Corinthians Ch 13 and verse 1 of chapter 14.....Let love be your highest goal....compounded by the declarations that without love, all my skills and abilities are just noise. The promise of seeing clearly in the future instead of through a dirty window now speaks to me of a love that transcends my limited knowledge. No strike that...it does not transcend my knowledge....it will transcend my EXPERIENCE of love.....
Light Bulb.....its not my knowledge that is lacking, its my experience that is lacking. Love is an experience that lasts longer than the moment....its......I just ran out of words.....have to get back to this one.
Some said that Love makes no demands....I think this is rubbish....love demands total abandonment....else its just "like" and not love. Love wants to dominate....obliterate anything in its path to world domination.
injustice, division, hate, fear, manipulation, war, poverty....some big picture things opposing love. Odd thought about love wanting total world domination. Is it losing? Sure seems that way.
Wow, this is bigger than I originally thought....
Love is a tyrant.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Reflections on my friend Peter
Before I begin, I want it known that I wish I had better writing skills to more adequately express my thoughts and feelings about Peter. This is but a very poor representation of my thoughts and emotions.
My story with Peter begins before I met him and his wife Shanie. In the spring of 2002, I was having a hard time sleeping one evening. This was unusual for me. Normally I sleep like the dead. Not that night. So I got up, went in the office and flipped on the TV. At one or two AM, there’s normally not much on worth watching and that night was no different. So I spent the night scanning channel after channel, hoping to find something worth my time.
After a while, I happened upon a documentary about the Bosnian war. Well more specifically about the aftermath of the war. The film crew was following a group of orphans as they tried to survive in the still brutal city that was Sarajevo. The kids ranged from around 8 years old to late teens and was a mix of boys and girls. Something grabbed my attention and while I NEVER watched this sort of thing before, I felt compelled to watch it.
That night, I wept like a baby. Many of these kids had either been victims of horrible violence or had seen it first hand as intruding armies raped and pillaged their families and friends. A couple of the girls had been raped repeatedly and all had lived with the constant threat of death as bombs and bullets took the lives of people around them.
The room they lived in was the best room they could find in a bombed out building. The walls were pocked marked with bullet holes. There was no heat. They burned material taken from other buildings for heat. Most slept on the floor and they all huddled together for warmth on the coldest of nights.
Food was a constant worry. The older ones sacrificed for the younger ones and they all did without.
That night as I watched this horrific result of evil men’s actions, I knew that someday, I would be involved with kids like this on some level. My life changed that night although the next morning, I tried hard to forget about it. To be honest, I did nothing for a while. I just ignored it.
Then a few weeks later or perhaps it was just a few days, I can’t remember, suffice to say, within just a short period of time, Peter and Shanie Hinge showed up at our church for the first time. They were there to raise funds for the mission field they served on. Care to take a guess where they were serving? That’s right, the pictures they shared were from all over eastern Europe, countries that had once been part of the former Soviet Union, which Bosnia had been part of. They showed pictures of kids in orphanages, pictures of them teaching, as well as pics of other things I don’t remember. But that day, my wife and I decided to start giving to missions even if it was on just a small scale. God used the documentary along with Peter and Shanie to move us toward His calling on our lives.
I can’t remember if we spent any time with Peter and Shanie at that point but over the years, we were drawn to them and Peter became a close friend. Funny thing is, Peter and I didn’t really spend that much time together due to their travel schedule and the fact they lived in Europe and we lived in sunny Yuma AZ! But I feel like God knit our hearts together and after a while, we were close. Our interaction was limited to skype and email but mostly email. We visited them when they came to Yuma and in 2009, we got to visit them in his native Denmark.
Lo and I had often spoken about how we admired the Hinge kids. They were smart, mature and well spoken. They behaved like young Christian ladies and were respectful to their parents. They managed to teach these traits to their kids while traveling all over the world and we decided that was something we wanted for our kid. Peter and Shanie demonstrated Godly parenting in a way no one else ever has in our view.
In life, if a person has two or three really close friends in their lifetime, they should consider themselves lucky. I mean the kind of friend that sticks with you no matter what. The kind of friend you can be separated from for very long periods of time and when you are together again, its as if no time had passed whatsoever and you just pick up where you left off. The kind of friendship where nothing is demanded of the other except trust. Where each is free to be real with the other with no fear of relationship ending judgment. That is what I had with Peter. Oddly enough, it grew with very little effort and in the over all scheme of things, with very little time together. We were apart more than we were together.
When Peter was diagnosed with cancer, my business was beginning to fall apart although I didn’t know it at the time. He suffered with pain and itching and I suffered all the emotional devastation that comes with failure and the constant worry about money. We suffered for 5 years together, he with cancer and I with money problems. We questioned God together, we learned to trust God more together and in the end, Peter went to his well earned reward. Sometimes I wonder if he didn’t get the better result.
When Peter died, my first reaction was total disbelief. I fully expected him to be healed and then he and I would do life together. Lo and I providing the resources that God has called us to provide to His servants on the front lines of bringing the Gospel to the world and they letting us tag along on the adventure of a lifetime once in a while. My next reaction was anger at God for taking my friend from me. Never mind about Peter’s suffering being over or His joy at calling home His special child. I wanted my friend back. It was only after some time had passed that I was able to rejoice for my friend. Yes sadness is still comes when I think about him every day, but I know joy will come.
Its been a month or so since he passed. I had no desire to communicate with Shanie or the kids. I’ve not known what to say. My grief while deep, can in no way compare with theirs. I’m rarely at a loss of what to say. But this time, I had no words. I didn’t want to think about it, talk about it nor write about it. It was to much. So at the risk of seeming like I was callous or disinterested, I just didn’t. I feel bad about not sending some sort of brief empty message to Shanie and the girls, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I hope they understand.
I owe much to Peter, about how to live but more importantly, what to live for. His dedication to Jesus was never in question, his passion for ministry always evident. When pain wracked his body, he still said God was good. In many many conversations, he and I talked about trust. Trust that says, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”. We talked about his kids and how much they needed their daddy around. About how much he loved his wife and how unfair his sickness was to her. But mostly we talked about trust and how much God loved us. Through his suffering, I to learned to trust Him more. That He is always good.
I know there were many very dark days. There were monumental personal failures that had extreme consequences. I know Peter struggled with sin the same way all of us struggle with sin. That battle that will never be completely won until we step into the heavenly realm. And yet, through all that, God still saw fit to use Peter, to bring fruit from his life. Both in ministry and in his family. Peter’s life is a testament to His goodness and grace toward us.
Peter was one of those guys that you just feel comfortable with. He was easy to know even though most of the time he would rather just be by himself or with just his family. And yet, he managed to live outside that comfort zone and allow God to use him.
A few days ago, it dawned on me that Peter was actually younger than me. At that exact same moment, I realized that my life expectancy is about 80 years, plus or minus a few. That means its about half over. Then I started thinking about all the things Peter had done with his 43 years on earth and I felt small and insignificant. My contribution to the Kingdom was nothing compared to his. My accomplishments while decent, meant nothing in light of how and why he lived his life. So at that moment, I resolved to live a life Peter would be proud of. A life that if at all possible, in some way, enables his ministry and legacy to continue. Not to live out his calling but to live out mine in a way that honors his.
That meant to love more, to laugh more, to spend and be spent in the pursuit of His Kingdom. To trust to the end. What this will bring is anyone’s guess but I am totally open to whatever He has for us. I want the next 43 years to be a wild roller coaster of adventure in His service.
Peter, I have to say, I wish we had more time together. I wish the future included us walking out our visions together. I even had a dream once of you and I riding in a train across some desolate landscape together on our way to some ministry opportunity. I was looking forward to that train ride. But that is not going to happen. Instead, I need to fulfill what God has called me to on my own. I know He will provide and I know it will be beyond my wildest imagination, but I sure wish you were here to share it with.
Life is short. To short but in light of eternity, the troubles of this present world are but a trifle. Peter, you are done with your trifles. I’m am looking forward to seeing you again soon……can’t wait to tell you all about the adventure……
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Years Revelations.....
I don't believe in New Years resolutions. If you can't lose weight during the year, a resolution to do so at the beginning of a new year, won't fix it. But I have had a bit of a revelation this last year....things that need to be changed.
For instance:
1. My health: My dad had a triple bypass in 2011. It made a believer out of me. I've tried to fix this aspect of my life before with varying degrees of success. All involved wholesale changes which I couldn't maintain. No more. I am doing three things with regards to my health this:
A. No soda
B. No French Fries
C. No Chips
These three are the big ones in the American diet. I can focus on these. And I roped my daughter into doing with me by promising her a trip to Disneyland at the end of the year is we can pull it off. To be sure, we have allowed ourselves 12 "cheat" days. Once a month, we'll cheat and have all three in as much quantity as we like. Probably at a picnic or some other such event. Stay tuned....
2. Patience: Last year, if I learned one thing, its how to be patient. In work, in life and with things related to my walk with God. I intend to act and respond to life with patience.
3. God: To make a statement that says I've had a revelation about God is problematic. How can a mere human have real revelations about God? Not sure but I think I have. It involves some of the things I have written in the past on this blog. Namely about His love for me. Going forward, I will NOT doubt His love. In fact, I will revel in the knowledge that the love of God for me is beyond my ability to understand or fully appreciate.
I've spent the last few years trying to justify to God why He should give me the blessings I wanted. This has been an exercise in failure and disappointment. No more, just rejoice in His pleasure with me. And let that produce whatever it will. No more goals, no more deadlines, no more expectations of God. I will just walk in expectancy that He is good and that He is always and continually blessing me. I just need to recognize it.
No more walking as a sinner saved by grace, instead, the Word calls me a saint. The favored of God, His adopted son. Those are some cool things. Reasons enough for joy and celebration.
I am tired of walking with a cloud of sadness or the feeling of hopelessness over me. Today the sun is out and shining. Going forward, I will conduct myself as though all things are good. Because they are. The Word says that if He is for me, who can be against me. And I know He is for me!
4. Ministry: I have been very frustrated in this area the last few years. With the collapse of The River where I was very involved, I lost my main outlet for this area of my life. While the church we have made our home is great, opportunity for ministry like what I was accustomed to is not there and probably wont be. Those areas are taken be people that have been there much longer. SO, I've resolved to simply pray for those God has put on my heart, I will give amounts I can to those same people and I will look forward to the day when I can with my own money, once again fulfill the things He has called my wife and I to.......patience....I think I mentioned that once or twice.
For instance:
1. My health: My dad had a triple bypass in 2011. It made a believer out of me. I've tried to fix this aspect of my life before with varying degrees of success. All involved wholesale changes which I couldn't maintain. No more. I am doing three things with regards to my health this:
A. No soda
B. No French Fries
C. No Chips
These three are the big ones in the American diet. I can focus on these. And I roped my daughter into doing with me by promising her a trip to Disneyland at the end of the year is we can pull it off. To be sure, we have allowed ourselves 12 "cheat" days. Once a month, we'll cheat and have all three in as much quantity as we like. Probably at a picnic or some other such event. Stay tuned....
2. Patience: Last year, if I learned one thing, its how to be patient. In work, in life and with things related to my walk with God. I intend to act and respond to life with patience.
3. God: To make a statement that says I've had a revelation about God is problematic. How can a mere human have real revelations about God? Not sure but I think I have. It involves some of the things I have written in the past on this blog. Namely about His love for me. Going forward, I will NOT doubt His love. In fact, I will revel in the knowledge that the love of God for me is beyond my ability to understand or fully appreciate.
I've spent the last few years trying to justify to God why He should give me the blessings I wanted. This has been an exercise in failure and disappointment. No more, just rejoice in His pleasure with me. And let that produce whatever it will. No more goals, no more deadlines, no more expectations of God. I will just walk in expectancy that He is good and that He is always and continually blessing me. I just need to recognize it.
No more walking as a sinner saved by grace, instead, the Word calls me a saint. The favored of God, His adopted son. Those are some cool things. Reasons enough for joy and celebration.
I am tired of walking with a cloud of sadness or the feeling of hopelessness over me. Today the sun is out and shining. Going forward, I will conduct myself as though all things are good. Because they are. The Word says that if He is for me, who can be against me. And I know He is for me!
4. Ministry: I have been very frustrated in this area the last few years. With the collapse of The River where I was very involved, I lost my main outlet for this area of my life. While the church we have made our home is great, opportunity for ministry like what I was accustomed to is not there and probably wont be. Those areas are taken be people that have been there much longer. SO, I've resolved to simply pray for those God has put on my heart, I will give amounts I can to those same people and I will look forward to the day when I can with my own money, once again fulfill the things He has called my wife and I to.......patience....I think I mentioned that once or twice.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Layovers Indeed
Its been 6 months since I last wrote anything. The reason? I just ran out of things to say one day when I realized all the navel gazing was unimportant given the fact that God loved me more than I could ever possibly imagine and everything else just vanished. Nothing to say. I couldn't compete with that in any way shape or form. So I didn't.
Funny thing happened though. I was in daily communication with God up to that point. March 1st was the last day I have opened my Bible or spent any serious time in prayer or meditation. I have lived for 6 months on that 10 day feast of His love.
And now I am thirsty again. Parched actually. And I didn't even realize it until today. Something triggered a thirst response in me and I wondered what it was. The clues were there. Thoughts wondering off in places they didn't need to be. A little short tempered with the family at times. Unusual amounts of worry about small things. Complacency about worship. All the usual clues. But I ignored them.
Till today.
Today, I read the post from March 1st. I was dumbstruck over what I had written. Things about giving my life away for Him. Prayers for Him to be the center of my life. Desire to find my worth, my fulfillment, my life, my security in the things of my Papa. And then I reflected on the last 6 months.
Guilt and shame have flooded my soul. How I longed to be the person in the last post. And how deeply I have failed. I have resorted to money lust once again. I have desired to find my security in the this world's system. I have even failed to honor Papa with His portion at times.
And yet, He has comforted me. He has forgiven. He is restoring, providing water in my parched soul. The old hymn says "Oh how He loves me" is ringing in my ears as I write. His words, "Be still and know that I am God" echos in the chambers of my soul. Once again, love conquers all things.
I know I am loved. I know I am secure. I know I am forgiven. And I know He watches over me.
A lesson from this sojourn from His presence: Drinking daily, communion daily, walking with Papa daily is so much better than long periods of dryness broken by intermediate periods of gorging on His presence. That's like a man staggering through the vast reaches of the Sahara with just a tiny vessel of water. And collapsing at the oasis, drinking his fill and then leaving without filling his water bottles again for the next leg of the trip. Just plain silly. Papa is telling me today to just hang out at the oasis for a while and let Him take care of everything.
Funny thing happened though. I was in daily communication with God up to that point. March 1st was the last day I have opened my Bible or spent any serious time in prayer or meditation. I have lived for 6 months on that 10 day feast of His love.
And now I am thirsty again. Parched actually. And I didn't even realize it until today. Something triggered a thirst response in me and I wondered what it was. The clues were there. Thoughts wondering off in places they didn't need to be. A little short tempered with the family at times. Unusual amounts of worry about small things. Complacency about worship. All the usual clues. But I ignored them.
Till today.
Today, I read the post from March 1st. I was dumbstruck over what I had written. Things about giving my life away for Him. Prayers for Him to be the center of my life. Desire to find my worth, my fulfillment, my life, my security in the things of my Papa. And then I reflected on the last 6 months.
Guilt and shame have flooded my soul. How I longed to be the person in the last post. And how deeply I have failed. I have resorted to money lust once again. I have desired to find my security in the this world's system. I have even failed to honor Papa with His portion at times.
And yet, He has comforted me. He has forgiven. He is restoring, providing water in my parched soul. The old hymn says "Oh how He loves me" is ringing in my ears as I write. His words, "Be still and know that I am God" echos in the chambers of my soul. Once again, love conquers all things.
I know I am loved. I know I am secure. I know I am forgiven. And I know He watches over me.
A lesson from this sojourn from His presence: Drinking daily, communion daily, walking with Papa daily is so much better than long periods of dryness broken by intermediate periods of gorging on His presence. That's like a man staggering through the vast reaches of the Sahara with just a tiny vessel of water. And collapsing at the oasis, drinking his fill and then leaving without filling his water bottles again for the next leg of the trip. Just plain silly. Papa is telling me today to just hang out at the oasis for a while and let Him take care of everything.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Day 10: Heavy Blessings
Did you know blessing can be heavy? Not in the sense it is to heavy to carry but in the sense that heaviness implies worth....importance.....significance. Did you know this? I did not. I figured blessings were little gifts from God, trinkets to please me for a season. Things to be enjoyed and set on a shelf like a child's toy until the next object of my desire was granted by a loving heavenly Father.
But blessing can be heavy. Important. Significant....and it should be.
Follow with me a little exercise: On a sheet of paper, draw a line down the center and a line across the top. Down the left hand side, list all the blessings you can think you would like to have. List them all and don't be shy. Everything your heart desires. Every little thing....even the secret ones you've not told anyone about yet for fear of being thought a dreamer. Make the list long. Don't stop. Keep going. If there are less than 10 you've not really tried. Ok, got them. Now on the right side of the line, list the one blessing we are told is the very highest....an intimate relationship with God. Put it by itself. Nothing more.
Do you, do I believe that one blessing outweighs now and forever all the ones you/I placed on the right side of the paper? If we did, Dr. Crabb says "We would move more quickly from happiness, through the agony of shattered dreams to joy. Few believe the weight of knowing God is more important than the other blessings. Those that arrive at this conviction do so through suffering. Happiness must be stripped away, forcibly, before joy can surface, before we will value and pursue dreams whose fulfillment produces true joy"
I read this verse today. I've inserted the entire thing for ease of reading.....take a look and then join me for a discussion on the importance of this passage.
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,[e]
and bring me safely over the mountains.
Did you read that closely? It says in the middle of economic disaster, that he would rejoice in the Lord! That he would be joyful in the God of his salvation!. This is almost to much to stand. Chaos, famine, fear, no hope....and yet he rejoices.
In prayer today, I realized that money is my Achilles heel. Not that I have so much of it to worry about. But the pursuit of it. The feelings of pride that go with it. The security it brings. The sense of accomplishment. Other than this, all my other dreams are basically fulfilled. I have a great wife, a great kid, a great church, great friends, a passion for ministry that while I cannot fulfill it right now, still burns deep inside me and leaves me with the knowledge that I am called for a kingdom purpose.
And yet, Papa is reaching into the deep parts of my soul. He is saying to me, "Brian, are you willing to give it all up in exchange for deep intimacy with me"? Don't believe me? Try on Matthew 10:39 for size. It says:"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Am I willing to lose my life. The trappings of life, the relationships of life? The verse before this one says that if anyone does not give up mother, father, brother and sister for Him, that person is not worthy of Him. Does that mean all my relationships are dead to me? Of course not, just that if they get in the way of my knowing Him all the more, then those relationships are more important than Him and I must realign my priorities once again.
Another verse says, "There is nothing in earth I desire more than you." King David said, "As the deer pants for cool streams of water, so my soul longs after you. When can I come and stand before Him?"
So Papa, today I surrender my money lust to you. Take it from me and replace it with a deep hunger for you. The desire for security found through money, I will find in you. The desire for fulfillment, I will find in you. The desire for public admiration, I will find in your delight in me. I will rejoice in both good times and bad. In plenty, I will be generous and in lack I will trust. Papa, help me to live in the light of heaven, counting this world as worthless trash in exchange for the glory of being with you forever!
But blessing can be heavy. Important. Significant....and it should be.
Follow with me a little exercise: On a sheet of paper, draw a line down the center and a line across the top. Down the left hand side, list all the blessings you can think you would like to have. List them all and don't be shy. Everything your heart desires. Every little thing....even the secret ones you've not told anyone about yet for fear of being thought a dreamer. Make the list long. Don't stop. Keep going. If there are less than 10 you've not really tried. Ok, got them. Now on the right side of the line, list the one blessing we are told is the very highest....an intimate relationship with God. Put it by itself. Nothing more.
Do you, do I believe that one blessing outweighs now and forever all the ones you/I placed on the right side of the paper? If we did, Dr. Crabb says "We would move more quickly from happiness, through the agony of shattered dreams to joy. Few believe the weight of knowing God is more important than the other blessings. Those that arrive at this conviction do so through suffering. Happiness must be stripped away, forcibly, before joy can surface, before we will value and pursue dreams whose fulfillment produces true joy"
I read this verse today. I've inserted the entire thing for ease of reading.....take a look and then join me for a discussion on the importance of this passage.
Habakkuk 3:17-18 (New Living Translation)
17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,[e]
and bring me safely over the mountains.
Did you read that closely? It says in the middle of economic disaster, that he would rejoice in the Lord! That he would be joyful in the God of his salvation!. This is almost to much to stand. Chaos, famine, fear, no hope....and yet he rejoices.
In prayer today, I realized that money is my Achilles heel. Not that I have so much of it to worry about. But the pursuit of it. The feelings of pride that go with it. The security it brings. The sense of accomplishment. Other than this, all my other dreams are basically fulfilled. I have a great wife, a great kid, a great church, great friends, a passion for ministry that while I cannot fulfill it right now, still burns deep inside me and leaves me with the knowledge that I am called for a kingdom purpose.
And yet, Papa is reaching into the deep parts of my soul. He is saying to me, "Brian, are you willing to give it all up in exchange for deep intimacy with me"? Don't believe me? Try on Matthew 10:39 for size. It says:"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Am I willing to lose my life. The trappings of life, the relationships of life? The verse before this one says that if anyone does not give up mother, father, brother and sister for Him, that person is not worthy of Him. Does that mean all my relationships are dead to me? Of course not, just that if they get in the way of my knowing Him all the more, then those relationships are more important than Him and I must realign my priorities once again.
Another verse says, "There is nothing in earth I desire more than you." King David said, "As the deer pants for cool streams of water, so my soul longs after you. When can I come and stand before Him?"
So Papa, today I surrender my money lust to you. Take it from me and replace it with a deep hunger for you. The desire for security found through money, I will find in you. The desire for fulfillment, I will find in you. The desire for public admiration, I will find in your delight in me. I will rejoice in both good times and bad. In plenty, I will be generous and in lack I will trust. Papa, help me to live in the light of heaven, counting this world as worthless trash in exchange for the glory of being with you forever!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Day 9: The Path of Hope
A side note for the readers: This blog started as a way for me to document my journey through the book Shattered Dreams. I thought it would be a way for me to quickly jot down some thoughts and if you read it, perhaps have some small impact on you. What it's turning into is a long winded narrative of my thoughts and prayers to Papa. If you want to continue to read, just be forewarned it will probably get more long winded and more about my thoughts and prayers as they pour out. I plan on rambling around. I plan on following the leading of the Spirit as I journey toward joy. Consider yourself warned in advance of potential boredom.
God's Goodness and Our Happiness.
From Shattered Dreams:
"If given the choice, we would prefer to keep whatever happiness we've already found. Like the child who never wants to grow beyond the wide-eyed excitement of Christmas morning, we like to remain naively happy. Keep the blessings coming. Keep the good times rolling. When we signed on to the Christian life, that's what we though was the deal. We do what we're told, and God stacks blessings under the tree."
Dr. Crabb says this is rooted in a strange blend of a child's optimism and a fool's arrogant spirit of entitlement. Things will go well for us; they're supposed to. Other people get cancer and suffer through divorce and lose their jobs and experience a friends betrayal.
We give God thanks when things go well....when we get a negative report from the doctor, when we do well on a test, get a promotion or close a deal....Of course we say "God is good". Why wouldn't we? Blessings are flowing and things are as they should be.
We should celebrate the good things in life. Enjoy our family, good food, promotions, good health and all the rest. But according to Dr. Crabb, as happy people, we face a subtle danger. We tend to gloat. We praise God for the blessings publicly while privately we tend to think of them as our due for doing all the right things. We tend to slip into a concern for the less fortunate that carries a mood or attitude of judgment. "If they were more like me, they would have the blessings I have".
Man, have I ever walked down that path. When I was making money like I never dreamed before, I gave talks, speeches and sermons about God's plan for abundance. They were basically sermons that should have been entitled "Do what I do and you will have what I have". Uh that smells pretty bad right now. I am embarrassed and ashamed. Not about the truths that were communicated because I think I did a good job of showing a balanced presentation of God and His plan for us with regards to finance.....but I am embarrassed of my private attitude. This is doing the right things for the wrong reasons.....I didn't really want to help, I wanted to be thought of as successful and higher than the average person......thats what I am embarrassed of.
Dr. Crabb continues:
"Unhappy folks face their own unique temptations. Publicly they tell the more fortunate how glad they are for all who are so blessed; privately they wish the happy person's path would hit a ditch. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. No command is more difficult to obey. Beneath the surface we lament anothers joy, ( the sin of jealousy) and feel good when a much blessed friend has reason to cry.(The sin of smugness, a close cousin of jealousy)."
Lets face it, when the tables are turned, my friends loss is my gain...if not in the physical sense, but certainly in private where I can gloat a bit at his misfortune. Sitting here on the receiving end of five years of economic chaos and loss, I confess it feels pretty nice when someone with more suffers a bit of what I have the last few years. I hate this. I want to hurt for them as I hurt for myself...but its not in me. Their loss is my gain.....stupid, sinful and childish....but true......
This is changing somewhat though.....a few weeks ago, a good friend applied for a job he did not need but wanted. He was delighting himself in Papa's love and I felt sure he would get this job. It was a 50% cut in pay but it was doing something he loved. He survived a strenuous application process and was one of three selected to interview. Long story but in no way should he have gotten that far due to time constraints placed on him the other candidates did not have to comply with. The interview went well over three days. All indications were positive.....and a week later he was told he did not get the job.....when he called to tell me, I was dumb struck. I was excited for him to get this job and when he did not, I think I was more disappointed than he was.....in truth, this is the first time in my life I can remember being hurt for someone else on something like this. It was not a big thing. There was no physical or financial pain....but it was a hope that was dashed. And I grieved for him. Slowly my heart is turning from stone to flesh.
Dr. Crabb again: "Happy people do not love well. Joyful people do. Thats why happiness, the pleasent feeling that pleasant circumstances generate must be taken away in order to be replaced with joy. Happy people rarely look for joy. They're quite content with what they have. The foundation of their life consists of the blessings they enjoy. Although they may care about those less fortunate and do great things to help them, their central concern is keeping what they have. they haven't been freed to pursue a greater dream. That's why they cannot love well. In His severe mercy, God takes away the good to create an appetite for the best, and then eventually He satisfies the new appetite, liberating them to love".
This concept is hard to grasp. The good is sacrificed for the best. In business this makes sense, I've done it. Passed on something good so I could have something better. In life and in the spirit, its much harder to do. Sacrificing the good is often painful. And the better thing hoped for is very often far in the distance. Do I have what it takes to be patient....to wait....to hope.....to keep my appetite for Him whetted and sharp?
Yes I do.....as I write the question, the answer springs forth like new sprouts of corn in a field. Fresh life rises above the surface and the answer is yes.....a thousand times over, yes.....my spirit longs for Him.....as long as it takes, I will wait....until He satisfies my every longing.....until my only longing is for Him.....I will wait. Now my prayer changes to the cry of the ancient believers....Maranatha.....Come quickly Lord!
If I am satisfied with the merely good....health, relationships, good kids, great jobs, I will never hunger for His best. I will never worship. Only broken people worship. My unbroken self, the one that enjoys the blessings more than the Blesser, says thanks to
God like a shopper says thanks to a clerk......I will not be that shopper of spiritual blessings.....I will be....I am a broken worshiper.
God's Goodness and Our Happiness.
From Shattered Dreams:
"If given the choice, we would prefer to keep whatever happiness we've already found. Like the child who never wants to grow beyond the wide-eyed excitement of Christmas morning, we like to remain naively happy. Keep the blessings coming. Keep the good times rolling. When we signed on to the Christian life, that's what we though was the deal. We do what we're told, and God stacks blessings under the tree."
Dr. Crabb says this is rooted in a strange blend of a child's optimism and a fool's arrogant spirit of entitlement. Things will go well for us; they're supposed to. Other people get cancer and suffer through divorce and lose their jobs and experience a friends betrayal.
We give God thanks when things go well....when we get a negative report from the doctor, when we do well on a test, get a promotion or close a deal....Of course we say "God is good". Why wouldn't we? Blessings are flowing and things are as they should be.
We should celebrate the good things in life. Enjoy our family, good food, promotions, good health and all the rest. But according to Dr. Crabb, as happy people, we face a subtle danger. We tend to gloat. We praise God for the blessings publicly while privately we tend to think of them as our due for doing all the right things. We tend to slip into a concern for the less fortunate that carries a mood or attitude of judgment. "If they were more like me, they would have the blessings I have".
Man, have I ever walked down that path. When I was making money like I never dreamed before, I gave talks, speeches and sermons about God's plan for abundance. They were basically sermons that should have been entitled "Do what I do and you will have what I have". Uh that smells pretty bad right now. I am embarrassed and ashamed. Not about the truths that were communicated because I think I did a good job of showing a balanced presentation of God and His plan for us with regards to finance.....but I am embarrassed of my private attitude. This is doing the right things for the wrong reasons.....I didn't really want to help, I wanted to be thought of as successful and higher than the average person......thats what I am embarrassed of.
Dr. Crabb continues:
"Unhappy folks face their own unique temptations. Publicly they tell the more fortunate how glad they are for all who are so blessed; privately they wish the happy person's path would hit a ditch. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. No command is more difficult to obey. Beneath the surface we lament anothers joy, ( the sin of jealousy) and feel good when a much blessed friend has reason to cry.(The sin of smugness, a close cousin of jealousy)."
Lets face it, when the tables are turned, my friends loss is my gain...if not in the physical sense, but certainly in private where I can gloat a bit at his misfortune. Sitting here on the receiving end of five years of economic chaos and loss, I confess it feels pretty nice when someone with more suffers a bit of what I have the last few years. I hate this. I want to hurt for them as I hurt for myself...but its not in me. Their loss is my gain.....stupid, sinful and childish....but true......
This is changing somewhat though.....a few weeks ago, a good friend applied for a job he did not need but wanted. He was delighting himself in Papa's love and I felt sure he would get this job. It was a 50% cut in pay but it was doing something he loved. He survived a strenuous application process and was one of three selected to interview. Long story but in no way should he have gotten that far due to time constraints placed on him the other candidates did not have to comply with. The interview went well over three days. All indications were positive.....and a week later he was told he did not get the job.....when he called to tell me, I was dumb struck. I was excited for him to get this job and when he did not, I think I was more disappointed than he was.....in truth, this is the first time in my life I can remember being hurt for someone else on something like this. It was not a big thing. There was no physical or financial pain....but it was a hope that was dashed. And I grieved for him. Slowly my heart is turning from stone to flesh.
Dr. Crabb again: "Happy people do not love well. Joyful people do. Thats why happiness, the pleasent feeling that pleasant circumstances generate must be taken away in order to be replaced with joy. Happy people rarely look for joy. They're quite content with what they have. The foundation of their life consists of the blessings they enjoy. Although they may care about those less fortunate and do great things to help them, their central concern is keeping what they have. they haven't been freed to pursue a greater dream. That's why they cannot love well. In His severe mercy, God takes away the good to create an appetite for the best, and then eventually He satisfies the new appetite, liberating them to love".
This concept is hard to grasp. The good is sacrificed for the best. In business this makes sense, I've done it. Passed on something good so I could have something better. In life and in the spirit, its much harder to do. Sacrificing the good is often painful. And the better thing hoped for is very often far in the distance. Do I have what it takes to be patient....to wait....to hope.....to keep my appetite for Him whetted and sharp?
Yes I do.....as I write the question, the answer springs forth like new sprouts of corn in a field. Fresh life rises above the surface and the answer is yes.....a thousand times over, yes.....my spirit longs for Him.....as long as it takes, I will wait....until He satisfies my every longing.....until my only longing is for Him.....I will wait. Now my prayer changes to the cry of the ancient believers....Maranatha.....Come quickly Lord!
If I am satisfied with the merely good....health, relationships, good kids, great jobs, I will never hunger for His best. I will never worship. Only broken people worship. My unbroken self, the one that enjoys the blessings more than the Blesser, says thanks to
God like a shopper says thanks to a clerk......I will not be that shopper of spiritual blessings.....I will be....I am a broken worshiper.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Day 8: Jesus Speaks
Jesus went to the Mount of Olives the night of his crucifixion to pray. The scripture records Him as pray; "Father if it is possible, let this cup of suffering pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done". But it also records Him tell the disciples to pray so that they did not fall into temptation. I wonder what that was all about?
The Mount of Olives is an odd scene. Jesus knowing he is soon to die, the disciples sleeping just like I would have. Jesus telling them to pray to avoid falling into temptation......what is the meaning of all this?
Dr. Crabb says its a place a hope. Really? I mean, in hindsight we recognize it as the beginning of the Calvary experience that ultimately paid the price for my sin and yours....but in the moment, a time and place of hope?
Think about this for a moment. Jesus has been telling his disciples he is the Son of Man now for a while. I suspect they all desperately hoped He was the Messiah. The Anointed One. The Promise the heroes of faith all died still hoping for. The miracles, the teaching, the love and joy they felt in His presence, all must have pointed to Jesus as the one. These men KNEW the scriptures of the coming Promise. The one that would save His people from their sin. They knew He was the One. They had to, otherwise they would not have stuck around as long as they did.
Now, here He was, in trouble, having stirred up the religious leaders against him. He is going to pray as was His custom. The disciples knew something was up. Just before the prayer time, Jesus asked them if they had a sword and if not, to sell something to buy one. But they had two, so He said, that's enough. I have no idea of the significance of this little exchange, but it was very unusual to say the least and I think it prompted in them some sense of impending change.
These guys had HOPE. John the Baptist, just before losing his head to Herod, had asked his followers to ask Jesus if He was the one Promised. John hoped but in his time of persecution, had an inkling of doubt. He needed reassurance. I am sure Jesus' followers had hope.
Which begs the question, what temptation was Jesus warning His followers about. I mean, there is no mention of Him telling them anything like this in the past. This was special.
I think Jesus knew they would be tempted to lose hope during His arrest, trial and crucifixion. That in reality, the Promise was only three days away....but in the meantime, it would look like all hope was lost. He did not want them to walk only by what they were going to see and hear in the next few days. Instead, He wanted them to walk according to what they had heard and seen in the last three years......and to hold on to hope.
Their hope was that Jesus would defy the Roman armies, secure the Jews in their homeland and set them free to worship Jehovah once and for all time. They still did not recognize the Promise was to save the people from their sin, even though the prophets had spoken it hundreds of years prior. It took the destruction of the earthly dream..the slaying of Jesus like a common criminal to remove the last hope of an earthly Jewish kingdom from their hearts.
They had a clue when Jesus said to Pilate, "If my kingdom were of this world, my followers would have taken up swords to defend me". And they did, but were rebuked by Jesus....He even healed the damage done by the single blow struck by one of the followers. But alas, the clue was missed.
So for three days, I suspect they wallowed in grief and self doubt. They wondered if they had put their hope and trust in the wrong man. They wondered if just maybe, they had missed something and some miracle would take place and they would be vindicated.....but mostly, had I been there, I would have been pretty cynical.....see I told you so...He is not the one...how could He be....He's dead.......
The scripture records that upon His death, the ground opened up and faithful men and women from centuries past rose and walked around the city. That the veil in the temple that separated God from man was torn in two. This is no big feat until you understand this veil was probably around 20-30 feet tall, 50-100 feet wide and some accounts say it was woven from so many layers of cloth that it was somewhere around 1-2 fee thick. Now rip that in two from top to bottom.....now its impressive.....all these things happened and I am sure Jesus' followers either saw it first hand or heard it very quickly from others that had. Surely this meant something important.
For three days, hope was dead. From my perspective, it was time to go back to the fishing boats, the carpenters shed, the tax collector booth, back to "real" life. And hope the authorities did not figure out I had been with Jesus.
But Jesus had said, "pray that you don't fall into temptation". Maybe they did. Maybe they maintained hope. Just maybe, they knew something was up. Maybe they kept the hope alive. I think so. They were still around when Jesus showed up all of a sudden. Instantly, the realization hits....."Oh, thats what He meant when He said His kingdom was not of this world". Upon the appearance of Jesus that night, I am sure many things He had told them and the prophecies they had memorized as children all clicked into place.
Now comes joy! He is the Messiah....buts it not how we thought it would happen....its better.....my sins are forgiven. I am free....no matter what happens to this body, I am free. My life here on earth is just a prelude to what is to come. I no longer fear death. I no longer fear the suffering this present world can inflict on my soul and body....because Jesus, the Messiah, has over come all these things and I am entitled to the same because of His great love for me......O Happy Day.......
This changes things. The days when He seems distant, I can maintain hope. When the things I want so desperately are withheld, I can still hope....but not just in this life only, but in perfection and fellowship with Jesus forever.
Now my hope is two fold....to please Him and to be part of His plan....however that plays out. I surrender my agenda and what I thought His plan was. Instead, I wait for Him to reveal His plan.....in His time.
My prayer today:. Papa, I only want to please you, to hear you say you are pleased. To feel the warmth of your pleasure in me. I surrender my agenda to you. I recognize how easily my flesh usurps this vow. How so very easy it is for me to forget that you are in control and to take control for myself. Papa, help me with this. Help me to remember you, to remember you are in control. That what I have now, is your best for me.....that where I find myself is exactly where I am supposed to be....and to be at peace there. Papa, I need rest. From my labor, from my worry and doubt. You said to cast all my care on you and that you would care for me.....so all my labor, all my worry, all my doubt and fear, I cast them on you.....I lay my burden down at the foot of the cross where the blood that still flows from Immanuel s veins can cover them for all eternity....Thank you Papa for the grace to trust, the grace to surrender and the grace to follow....
The song is almost 9 minutes long but oh so worth it!
The Mount of Olives is an odd scene. Jesus knowing he is soon to die, the disciples sleeping just like I would have. Jesus telling them to pray to avoid falling into temptation......what is the meaning of all this?
Dr. Crabb says its a place a hope. Really? I mean, in hindsight we recognize it as the beginning of the Calvary experience that ultimately paid the price for my sin and yours....but in the moment, a time and place of hope?
Think about this for a moment. Jesus has been telling his disciples he is the Son of Man now for a while. I suspect they all desperately hoped He was the Messiah. The Anointed One. The Promise the heroes of faith all died still hoping for. The miracles, the teaching, the love and joy they felt in His presence, all must have pointed to Jesus as the one. These men KNEW the scriptures of the coming Promise. The one that would save His people from their sin. They knew He was the One. They had to, otherwise they would not have stuck around as long as they did.
Now, here He was, in trouble, having stirred up the religious leaders against him. He is going to pray as was His custom. The disciples knew something was up. Just before the prayer time, Jesus asked them if they had a sword and if not, to sell something to buy one. But they had two, so He said, that's enough. I have no idea of the significance of this little exchange, but it was very unusual to say the least and I think it prompted in them some sense of impending change.
These guys had HOPE. John the Baptist, just before losing his head to Herod, had asked his followers to ask Jesus if He was the one Promised. John hoped but in his time of persecution, had an inkling of doubt. He needed reassurance. I am sure Jesus' followers had hope.
Which begs the question, what temptation was Jesus warning His followers about. I mean, there is no mention of Him telling them anything like this in the past. This was special.
I think Jesus knew they would be tempted to lose hope during His arrest, trial and crucifixion. That in reality, the Promise was only three days away....but in the meantime, it would look like all hope was lost. He did not want them to walk only by what they were going to see and hear in the next few days. Instead, He wanted them to walk according to what they had heard and seen in the last three years......and to hold on to hope.
Their hope was that Jesus would defy the Roman armies, secure the Jews in their homeland and set them free to worship Jehovah once and for all time. They still did not recognize the Promise was to save the people from their sin, even though the prophets had spoken it hundreds of years prior. It took the destruction of the earthly dream..the slaying of Jesus like a common criminal to remove the last hope of an earthly Jewish kingdom from their hearts.
They had a clue when Jesus said to Pilate, "If my kingdom were of this world, my followers would have taken up swords to defend me". And they did, but were rebuked by Jesus....He even healed the damage done by the single blow struck by one of the followers. But alas, the clue was missed.
So for three days, I suspect they wallowed in grief and self doubt. They wondered if they had put their hope and trust in the wrong man. They wondered if just maybe, they had missed something and some miracle would take place and they would be vindicated.....but mostly, had I been there, I would have been pretty cynical.....see I told you so...He is not the one...how could He be....He's dead.......
The scripture records that upon His death, the ground opened up and faithful men and women from centuries past rose and walked around the city. That the veil in the temple that separated God from man was torn in two. This is no big feat until you understand this veil was probably around 20-30 feet tall, 50-100 feet wide and some accounts say it was woven from so many layers of cloth that it was somewhere around 1-2 fee thick. Now rip that in two from top to bottom.....now its impressive.....all these things happened and I am sure Jesus' followers either saw it first hand or heard it very quickly from others that had. Surely this meant something important.
For three days, hope was dead. From my perspective, it was time to go back to the fishing boats, the carpenters shed, the tax collector booth, back to "real" life. And hope the authorities did not figure out I had been with Jesus.
But Jesus had said, "pray that you don't fall into temptation". Maybe they did. Maybe they maintained hope. Just maybe, they knew something was up. Maybe they kept the hope alive. I think so. They were still around when Jesus showed up all of a sudden. Instantly, the realization hits....."Oh, thats what He meant when He said His kingdom was not of this world". Upon the appearance of Jesus that night, I am sure many things He had told them and the prophecies they had memorized as children all clicked into place.
Now comes joy! He is the Messiah....buts it not how we thought it would happen....its better.....my sins are forgiven. I am free....no matter what happens to this body, I am free. My life here on earth is just a prelude to what is to come. I no longer fear death. I no longer fear the suffering this present world can inflict on my soul and body....because Jesus, the Messiah, has over come all these things and I am entitled to the same because of His great love for me......O Happy Day.......
This changes things. The days when He seems distant, I can maintain hope. When the things I want so desperately are withheld, I can still hope....but not just in this life only, but in perfection and fellowship with Jesus forever.
Now my hope is two fold....to please Him and to be part of His plan....however that plays out. I surrender my agenda and what I thought His plan was. Instead, I wait for Him to reveal His plan.....in His time.
My prayer today:. Papa, I only want to please you, to hear you say you are pleased. To feel the warmth of your pleasure in me. I surrender my agenda to you. I recognize how easily my flesh usurps this vow. How so very easy it is for me to forget that you are in control and to take control for myself. Papa, help me with this. Help me to remember you, to remember you are in control. That what I have now, is your best for me.....that where I find myself is exactly where I am supposed to be....and to be at peace there. Papa, I need rest. From my labor, from my worry and doubt. You said to cast all my care on you and that you would care for me.....so all my labor, all my worry, all my doubt and fear, I cast them on you.....I lay my burden down at the foot of the cross where the blood that still flows from Immanuel s veins can cover them for all eternity....Thank you Papa for the grace to trust, the grace to surrender and the grace to follow....
The song is almost 9 minutes long but oh so worth it!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day 7: A Different Kind of Hope
The Sacred Text in Hebrews chapter 11 describes what we Christians call the "Heroes of faith". There is a listing of familiar Biblical characters. Characters we all use to teach profound lessons in faith and hope. The chapter even begins with; "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen". Its powerful. The characters are powerful. The illustrations are ones we can lean on. Ones we can live our lives by.....and yet, there is very small phrase almost no one talks about.....speaking of all the heroes just listed; "All these died not having received the promise".
What? These heroes died without having seen the promise they hoped for? Really? I am supposed to take some sort of comfort from this? I think not.....I want to see the promise now. What exactly was the promise they were looking for? It is simple, they had been promised a Savior. Someone that would rescue them from the curse of sin......and they rejoiced in the promise......and never saw it in their lifetimes.
Dr. Crabb draws this conclusion from the passage; "Apparently God is pleased with people who suffer terribly; whose lives never straighten out, but who keep on trusting".
This is a little difficult to swallow. God is pleased with my suffering.....the suffering of others? I'm having trouble with this concept.....it goes against my belief that I am here to have a good time....or at least have good feelings most of the time. I want to feel alive, full of passion and romance. I want to experience my kid living out a godly life. I want to feel significant in the lives of others. In fact, I believe I am called by Papa to do just that...be significant in the lives of others.....its a good calling.
So I buy into the convention we Christians have contrived to support our view that we are here for a good time. We call these things "biblical"...strategies for seeing to it that all our dreams come true. We call them models for Christian living, of godly parenting and principals of financial stewardship. All designed to give me a legitimate good time. Whats wrong with this? Dr. Crabb says its driven by a deeper motive to feel something no human will ever feel until they are with Papa in heaven......the need for completeness....the need to enjoy God....buried deep in our souls by the very one we long to enjoy......God.
What I want to feel. What I want to hope for....I want for things to be better. Now. In this life. Right now. Papa makes no such promise.
Dr. Crabb says; "When I seek fulfillment in this life. When I desire to feel soul pleasure more than soul pain, then God becomes a means to an end. An object to use...never a subject rightfully demanding a response, never a lover to be enjoyed". That's harsh. But true. I have used God to fulfill my dreams. I have not enjoyed Him. I have not responded to His love in a way that it deserves. I have abused my position as a son and demanded my own way instead of allowing Him to lead me in the direction He wants. It has been my desire to use Him rather than enjoy Him.
Dr. Crabb states that; "Shattered dreams are the greatest blessing. They help us discover our true hope. But it can take a long, dark time to discover it.....Shattered dreams open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the dreams we improperly value are destroyed. They help us discover true hope. We need shattered dreams to put us in touch with what we most long for, to create an appetite for better dreams. And living for the better dream generates a new, unfamiliar feeling we eventually recognize as joy".
I am coming to this conclusion myself. That my dreams while good, are not the best He desires for me. In fact, they are often the lowest form of dreaming. They are self centered. Nothing inherently wrong with this....some of these dreams are of me and my family helping others. Nothing wrong with this.....the Bible tells us we should....BUT if I pursue this at the expense of enjoying Papa, then those dreams will become nothing and I will never realize them. So my hope is becoming different......
I have in fact, given large sums of money...this money helped people that can never repay me....and I don't want them to....but I felt good about it....and proud as well....and I told others about my generosity.....I wanted to feel good and I wanted others to admire me for my generosity.....selfish dreams.....the Scripture says of those that do such things "If you do your alms before men, you already have your reward". In other words, the feeling of pride and admiration is all I will ever get from that generosity. Papa is under no constraints to reward me for that like He promised to....but if I "Do my alms secretly, the Papa will reward me openly before men". His way is better.
I'm rambling here but I'm just recording things as they come to me at this point. A few days ago, Papa spoke to me about fasting. I had wanted to fast like my friend Eric but due to physical restraints, could not. So Papa said to fast from something I loved. You may remember me speaking of this earlier. So I vowed to do so. I tell you, its been the hardest thing I've ever tried. And I have felt distant from Papa during this time. Of the 7-10 days or so since I "started" this fast from work, I think I have kept it only a handful of times. But beginning tomorrow, I'll be back on my fast. Work til 8:30, wrap up until 9:30 at the latest and then spend time with Papa.....
As I am going through this workbook, I am beginning to feel like a complainer. The author asks questions that draw out my complaints. Its starting to smell bad. I don't like it. but if anything is true about my flesh, its that it likes to complain. I suppose I've never really seen myself that way before, but its true. I complain about many things. Its my old nature.....through this workbook process, I am coming to see that gratitude is lacking in my life. I am thankful to be sure of certain things but I complain about much more. Time to give that to Papa and let Him take care of it like He promised.
Today my prayer is this; Papa, help me to be filled with gratitude for all the blessings you have already given. To look with awed reverence on the ones that are to come, knowing they are simply a gift from a loving Papa. I long for your voice to fill me and to feel your embrace today. Draw me close to you....never let me go.....I know its a song, but its my prayer as well.....Papa, as never before, I love you. I sense your presence with me right now....I know you are close......I am in awe.....and filled with hope......you are holy....
What? These heroes died without having seen the promise they hoped for? Really? I am supposed to take some sort of comfort from this? I think not.....I want to see the promise now. What exactly was the promise they were looking for? It is simple, they had been promised a Savior. Someone that would rescue them from the curse of sin......and they rejoiced in the promise......and never saw it in their lifetimes.
Dr. Crabb draws this conclusion from the passage; "Apparently God is pleased with people who suffer terribly; whose lives never straighten out, but who keep on trusting".
This is a little difficult to swallow. God is pleased with my suffering.....the suffering of others? I'm having trouble with this concept.....it goes against my belief that I am here to have a good time....or at least have good feelings most of the time. I want to feel alive, full of passion and romance. I want to experience my kid living out a godly life. I want to feel significant in the lives of others. In fact, I believe I am called by Papa to do just that...be significant in the lives of others.....its a good calling.
So I buy into the convention we Christians have contrived to support our view that we are here for a good time. We call these things "biblical"...strategies for seeing to it that all our dreams come true. We call them models for Christian living, of godly parenting and principals of financial stewardship. All designed to give me a legitimate good time. Whats wrong with this? Dr. Crabb says its driven by a deeper motive to feel something no human will ever feel until they are with Papa in heaven......the need for completeness....the need to enjoy God....buried deep in our souls by the very one we long to enjoy......God.
What I want to feel. What I want to hope for....I want for things to be better. Now. In this life. Right now. Papa makes no such promise.
Dr. Crabb says; "When I seek fulfillment in this life. When I desire to feel soul pleasure more than soul pain, then God becomes a means to an end. An object to use...never a subject rightfully demanding a response, never a lover to be enjoyed". That's harsh. But true. I have used God to fulfill my dreams. I have not enjoyed Him. I have not responded to His love in a way that it deserves. I have abused my position as a son and demanded my own way instead of allowing Him to lead me in the direction He wants. It has been my desire to use Him rather than enjoy Him.
Dr. Crabb states that; "Shattered dreams are the greatest blessing. They help us discover our true hope. But it can take a long, dark time to discover it.....Shattered dreams open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the dreams we improperly value are destroyed. They help us discover true hope. We need shattered dreams to put us in touch with what we most long for, to create an appetite for better dreams. And living for the better dream generates a new, unfamiliar feeling we eventually recognize as joy".
I am coming to this conclusion myself. That my dreams while good, are not the best He desires for me. In fact, they are often the lowest form of dreaming. They are self centered. Nothing inherently wrong with this....some of these dreams are of me and my family helping others. Nothing wrong with this.....the Bible tells us we should....BUT if I pursue this at the expense of enjoying Papa, then those dreams will become nothing and I will never realize them. So my hope is becoming different......
I have in fact, given large sums of money...this money helped people that can never repay me....and I don't want them to....but I felt good about it....and proud as well....and I told others about my generosity.....I wanted to feel good and I wanted others to admire me for my generosity.....selfish dreams.....the Scripture says of those that do such things "If you do your alms before men, you already have your reward". In other words, the feeling of pride and admiration is all I will ever get from that generosity. Papa is under no constraints to reward me for that like He promised to....but if I "Do my alms secretly, the Papa will reward me openly before men". His way is better.
I'm rambling here but I'm just recording things as they come to me at this point. A few days ago, Papa spoke to me about fasting. I had wanted to fast like my friend Eric but due to physical restraints, could not. So Papa said to fast from something I loved. You may remember me speaking of this earlier. So I vowed to do so. I tell you, its been the hardest thing I've ever tried. And I have felt distant from Papa during this time. Of the 7-10 days or so since I "started" this fast from work, I think I have kept it only a handful of times. But beginning tomorrow, I'll be back on my fast. Work til 8:30, wrap up until 9:30 at the latest and then spend time with Papa.....
As I am going through this workbook, I am beginning to feel like a complainer. The author asks questions that draw out my complaints. Its starting to smell bad. I don't like it. but if anything is true about my flesh, its that it likes to complain. I suppose I've never really seen myself that way before, but its true. I complain about many things. Its my old nature.....through this workbook process, I am coming to see that gratitude is lacking in my life. I am thankful to be sure of certain things but I complain about much more. Time to give that to Papa and let Him take care of it like He promised.
Today my prayer is this; Papa, help me to be filled with gratitude for all the blessings you have already given. To look with awed reverence on the ones that are to come, knowing they are simply a gift from a loving Papa. I long for your voice to fill me and to feel your embrace today. Draw me close to you....never let me go.....I know its a song, but its my prayer as well.....Papa, as never before, I love you. I sense your presence with me right now....I know you are close......I am in awe.....and filled with hope......you are holy....
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